Q: My problem is that sometimes I hate myself and it really beats my self confidence (although I’m quite good at faking it) and well I always think that things are working for my bad and not my good. And I also find it really difficult to open myself to people so I always try to be happy even if I’m hurting inside so people really don’t notice and then I carry all my problems alone and cry (a whole lot) until I feel better. I want this to stop because it has prevented me from having many good friends.
A: I believe you are speaking with the right person because I have been there and I believe that God, who helped and is still helping me, will come to your rescue.
Let me try to paint a number of scenarios and you might locate your own experience(s) in them. You grew up in a home where daddy and mummy are perfectionists and believe that if your results are not the best in your class, you must be a dullard… You play the violin skilfully but have a lot of pimples on your face which never seem to clear… You’re in the boarding house and you wet (urinate on) yourself without knowing it, sometimes in the class because of a dysfunctional bladder... Or your father is hardly around and when he is, all he does is verbally and physically insult you for the smallest of mistakes you make.
Can you imagine a 16-year old lady who has been sexually abused by her wealthy and highly influential father, five different times since she was 9years and strictly warned not to disclose to anyone if she doesn’t want to be disowned? Really, the list is endless but a child grows to either love or hate herself depending on what she was exposed to in her growing-up years. It is almost natural for a girl that has some major physical deformity, or that is abused physically, or sexually or verbally especially by authority figures, or that is never good enough for her parents, teachers or pastor etc, to hate herself. Have you come to a point where people come to you, are interested in helping you out but you tell them they cannot understand and after trying to make you talk, they give up?
The bad thing about this is that this self-rejection and self-hatred are the root causes of many relationship problems. People who hate themselves don’t want to relate with other people because thy feel very inferior and fear they might be rejected so they will rather bear it all alone. Because they don’t love themselves, it’s hard and almost impossible for them to love others – you cannot give what you don’t have.
The problem is that you have based your opinion of yourself on what others have said or made you think about yourself and not what God, who knows you more than you know yourself, says and thinks about you. You have probably not received proper love all your life and so you have not learnt to properly love yourself. You don’t see any reason to love yourself or you feel you are not worth loving because others don’t love you. You cannot see yourself as proper or right, you only see your flaws and weaknesses forgetting your beauty and strengths.
I must tell you sincerely that getting out of this is one of the best things that can ever happen to you because you will live a BETTER life with God, with yourself and with others. But it is not a one-day job, the more you are willing to let go, the more you receive. The answer to hatred is LOVE! The solution is therefore that you receive God’s perfect love, love yourself in a balanced way, generously love God in return and finally, love all the people who come into your life. I need you to believe that God’s word is true and He says that when He created you, He saw that you were good (Genesis1:31)! He says He has loved you with an EVERLASTING love (Jeremiah31:3)! He also says that two cannot walk together except they agree (Amos3:3). Since these words are true, you need to get into agreement with God that all He created, including you, is good and that since He says He loves and accepts you, you can no longer hate yourself.
To get out of this and live a more fulfilling life, join me as we accept God’s love for us and make that love, the basis for our love and acceptance of ourselves. Let us receive His affirmation knowing that we are changing and becoming all that He desires us to be. I need you to search for scriptures that talk about God’s love and meditate on them until your mind is renewed. You can start with Ephesians3:16-19 and Jeremiah29:11. There is so much power in God’s word to root out every wrong thing that has thrived in our hearts and prevented us from living the abundant life Christ has given us. You will find these confessions very useful, say them as many times as you can and believe them because they are God’s words.
‘God loves me with an everlasting love. He loves me so much He gave me His best in Jesus. I receive His love and because He accepts me, I accept myself. I know I need to change and I want to change. In fact I believe that God is changing me daily but in the meanwhile, I will not reject what God accepts. I can love what God loves. I don’t love everything I do but I accept myself because God accepts me. As God’s love fills my heart, I love myself and everyone that comes my way.’
You have questions you want to let out of your heart, right? Send an e-mail to questionsofmine@yahoo.com and indicate if you want the question(s) addressed personally or through the magazine.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Not Guilty
I have watched a couple of thrillers, and was spell-bound until the Judge placed the verdict; either ‘Guilty’ or ‘Not Guilty’. It got worse sometimes when I knew the accused was innocent of the alleged crime. I would almost want to grab the Judge, or jury as the case may be, through the TV and scream; can’t you see this man is innocent?
But there have been times I have seen the murderer stand trial in a movie and I cannot wait to hear the fatal word; Guilty. When the Judge finally declares the fellow guilty, I’m so exhilarated; excited that justice has prevailed. It’s not always the case though; sometimes the damned guilty are declared “Not Guilty!” That’s unfair, right? You might not be so quick to make that conclusion after reading this article.
You stole your mother’s money all through your secondary school days. You graduated to lying to daddy about handouts that were not and textbooks you never bought, while in the university. You possibly sneaked in a few porn mags and films and watched in the privacy of your room. You allowed that teacher or that uncle or that friend to touch your body as he willed. You got that girl pregnant and forced her to go to the abortion clinic. You cheated your way through your whole educational career.
Did you just see yourself in the above paragraph? Any judge, without prejudice, would obviously declare you guilty. You don’t even need a judge to tell you; you’ve already condemned yourself, haven’t you. You probably even hate yourself for those things that you’ve done or allowed to be done to you. You’ve gone for several confessions without relief. You’ve cried your eyes out times without number as the words hammer in your ear. ‘Guilty. Guilty.. Guilty…’
But I have good news for you! In one minute, you can be declared ‘Not Guilty!’ of all these hideous sins you’ve committe. That’s impossible! Oh no, it isn’t!
A pretty young woman, possibly just a few years older than you was caught in the act; can you imagine; Right In The Act! Mum opens the door and sees you watching that film! The teacher catches you pulling out the expo! Your pastor bumps into you, sitting on that guy’s laps. You’re caught in the act. You lower your eyes; hang your head; full of shame. That’s what happened to her. She was caught in the act of adultery. (Mind you, if you lived in her days, you’d have been married too; weird thought, isn’t it?)
Everybody condemned her. Her husband was first on the line. Think about it; if your parents and friends were to know the real you; the you behind closed doors; who would be the first to condemn you? You got it! All her family members, friends, and enemies gathered, screaming ‘Guilty, Guilty!’ But there was a weird Judge there who didn’t agree with them. He declared her ‘Not Guilty’ and discharged the court. The folks mumbled and walked away. The dumbfounded convict lifted up her shocked eyes at him, and saw something there she had never seen before.
His eyes were wet. He loved her. He understood her. He was giving her another chance to make things right. He touched her and said “I don’t condemn you. Go and sin no more!” She broke down in tears, kissing his feet, still unable to say anything. This grace was too amazing to comprehend. He lifted her up, looked in her eyes and said; “I forgive you. You’re not guilty” She smiled through her tears and mouthed her thanks as she turned to leave.
Many days after, this same Judge perfected what he had done with the adulteress. He declared the whole world guiltless. He said it the three words on a dreadful day when the He, the Judge of all the whole earth, was judged by sinful mortals. They declared their justifier guilty of sins He never committed. On that day, hanging on the tree, Jesus cried out “It Is Finished!” In other words, my friend, He declared you ‘Not Guilty’ to every sin you ever committed. He took your place; He suffered in your place.
He bled that you might never bleed for your own sins. He was flogged, so you might never be scourged for your own sins. He bore your shame so you would never have to hang your head in the shame sin brings; never again! For a full grasp of these scenarios I just painted, please read John 8:1-11 and John 19:30.
This is real! But it’s not automatic. If it were, every sinner should keep on sinning. Jesus gave a condition through which your sinful state could be turned around. He said in John 3:3 that you have to be born again. What’s the process? Rom 10:9-10 explains it well.
“That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”
Another important step that relieves you of all guilt is the confession part stated in verse 10. Let’s see I John 1:7.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Touché! Friend, that’s all it takes to be rid of the guilt you’ve been carrying on you for months, maybe years. Come to the cross of Jesus and no matter how bad your life has been, He’s already declared you Not Guilty, you just need to come under the blood; the precious blood of Jesus that was shed for you on the cross of Calvary to earn you your freedom.
I know the devil has nearly killed you with guilt. Your deliverance is here. God looks at you with love right now and says; “I don’t condemn you…” Please come to God and let him make you new and turn your life around. If you’re ready to be free; to offload that load of guilt, please pray the ‘Love Prayer’ beneath this article. Pray it sincerely and I can assure you that as you say it, God is opening a new book for your life. Your past deeds which were recorded in the ‘Book of Death’ have been discarded forever. Did you get that? Forever!
Hold on; please look at the concluding words of that phrase: “…go and sin no more”. Those were Jesus’ concluding words to the adulteress and they are the same to you today. Your sins have been forgiven but you shouldn’t go back to them again. ‘But please, I’m scared! What if I make a mistake again, have I blown everything again?’ Here’s your answer:
My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:
And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world (I John 2:1-2)
God desires you to live holy but if you fall, please don’t stay down. Repent immediately (genuinely) and get back up. Jesus has promised His everlasting love and mercy to you. You can never expend His love. His mercies over you are new every morning. Men! Can’t you see how blessed you are?
And if you are there, you believe God has forgiven, but somewhere in your heart, you haven’t forgiven yourself. May I ask you a question? Thanks for allowing me. Who are you not to forgive yourself, when the Almighty God, who is Holy beyond comprehension, has forgiven you? Stop pouting dear! Forgive yourself and move on. There’s so much God had prepared for you in this life and in eternity. Don’t allow guilt stand in your way.
Please let me caution; there’s only ONE thing that can prevent you from receiving God’s forgiveness. What could that be? Your refusal to forgive others. The Lord’s Prayer says “…And forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those that trespass against us…” It’s a condition. What has that person done that is too big to forgive? Look at what Jesus did on the cross for you and what He’s still offering you today. Please forgive that person; unforgiveness isn’t worth it; not one bit.
On a final note, you know we human beings have a tendency to be selfish. Please tell your friends and those around you about this amazing grace. Don’t ‘solo’ this blessings like you would ‘solo’ your provisions in the hostel. Imagine the load, shame, fear, and guilt God has relieved you of. Please allow others enjoy what you’re enjoying in Jesus. Just share your testimony with them. “This is what I was and this is what Jesus has made of me!” Isn’t it so simple? Do your part and leave the rest to God.
And when next that fox, the old serpent, comes to you reminding you of your past sins, please be quick to shout it out in his ears. He’s hard of hearing, so you’ll need to really shout it. Scream; “I’m Not Guilty!!!”
The Love Prayer
Dear God, I have heard about your love and I thank you for loving me in spite of my many sins and weaknesses. I believe, Jesus, that you’re the son of God and that you died and rose again to save me. I repent of my sins and forsake them. I will live to please you as your Holy Spirit helps me. I receive you into my heart and I ask that you make me yours forever. Help me to be your friend and may we love and honor each other for all eternity. Thank you Father for accepting me. I choose to live above guilt henceforth. I have prayed in Jesus’ name, Amen.
If you prayed this prayer for the first time, please send an e-mail to us at justaboutmine@yahoo.com and we’ll be quick to get back to you to stand by you in this new adventure of life.
Written by Timilehin Adigun
But there have been times I have seen the murderer stand trial in a movie and I cannot wait to hear the fatal word; Guilty. When the Judge finally declares the fellow guilty, I’m so exhilarated; excited that justice has prevailed. It’s not always the case though; sometimes the damned guilty are declared “Not Guilty!” That’s unfair, right? You might not be so quick to make that conclusion after reading this article.
You stole your mother’s money all through your secondary school days. You graduated to lying to daddy about handouts that were not and textbooks you never bought, while in the university. You possibly sneaked in a few porn mags and films and watched in the privacy of your room. You allowed that teacher or that uncle or that friend to touch your body as he willed. You got that girl pregnant and forced her to go to the abortion clinic. You cheated your way through your whole educational career.
Did you just see yourself in the above paragraph? Any judge, without prejudice, would obviously declare you guilty. You don’t even need a judge to tell you; you’ve already condemned yourself, haven’t you. You probably even hate yourself for those things that you’ve done or allowed to be done to you. You’ve gone for several confessions without relief. You’ve cried your eyes out times without number as the words hammer in your ear. ‘Guilty. Guilty.. Guilty…’
But I have good news for you! In one minute, you can be declared ‘Not Guilty!’ of all these hideous sins you’ve committe. That’s impossible! Oh no, it isn’t!
A pretty young woman, possibly just a few years older than you was caught in the act; can you imagine; Right In The Act! Mum opens the door and sees you watching that film! The teacher catches you pulling out the expo! Your pastor bumps into you, sitting on that guy’s laps. You’re caught in the act. You lower your eyes; hang your head; full of shame. That’s what happened to her. She was caught in the act of adultery. (Mind you, if you lived in her days, you’d have been married too; weird thought, isn’t it?)
Everybody condemned her. Her husband was first on the line. Think about it; if your parents and friends were to know the real you; the you behind closed doors; who would be the first to condemn you? You got it! All her family members, friends, and enemies gathered, screaming ‘Guilty, Guilty!’ But there was a weird Judge there who didn’t agree with them. He declared her ‘Not Guilty’ and discharged the court. The folks mumbled and walked away. The dumbfounded convict lifted up her shocked eyes at him, and saw something there she had never seen before.
His eyes were wet. He loved her. He understood her. He was giving her another chance to make things right. He touched her and said “I don’t condemn you. Go and sin no more!” She broke down in tears, kissing his feet, still unable to say anything. This grace was too amazing to comprehend. He lifted her up, looked in her eyes and said; “I forgive you. You’re not guilty” She smiled through her tears and mouthed her thanks as she turned to leave.
Many days after, this same Judge perfected what he had done with the adulteress. He declared the whole world guiltless. He said it the three words on a dreadful day when the He, the Judge of all the whole earth, was judged by sinful mortals. They declared their justifier guilty of sins He never committed. On that day, hanging on the tree, Jesus cried out “It Is Finished!” In other words, my friend, He declared you ‘Not Guilty’ to every sin you ever committed. He took your place; He suffered in your place.
He bled that you might never bleed for your own sins. He was flogged, so you might never be scourged for your own sins. He bore your shame so you would never have to hang your head in the shame sin brings; never again! For a full grasp of these scenarios I just painted, please read John 8:1-11 and John 19:30.
This is real! But it’s not automatic. If it were, every sinner should keep on sinning. Jesus gave a condition through which your sinful state could be turned around. He said in John 3:3 that you have to be born again. What’s the process? Rom 10:9-10 explains it well.
“That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”
Another important step that relieves you of all guilt is the confession part stated in verse 10. Let’s see I John 1:7.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Touché! Friend, that’s all it takes to be rid of the guilt you’ve been carrying on you for months, maybe years. Come to the cross of Jesus and no matter how bad your life has been, He’s already declared you Not Guilty, you just need to come under the blood; the precious blood of Jesus that was shed for you on the cross of Calvary to earn you your freedom.
I know the devil has nearly killed you with guilt. Your deliverance is here. God looks at you with love right now and says; “I don’t condemn you…” Please come to God and let him make you new and turn your life around. If you’re ready to be free; to offload that load of guilt, please pray the ‘Love Prayer’ beneath this article. Pray it sincerely and I can assure you that as you say it, God is opening a new book for your life. Your past deeds which were recorded in the ‘Book of Death’ have been discarded forever. Did you get that? Forever!
Hold on; please look at the concluding words of that phrase: “…go and sin no more”. Those were Jesus’ concluding words to the adulteress and they are the same to you today. Your sins have been forgiven but you shouldn’t go back to them again. ‘But please, I’m scared! What if I make a mistake again, have I blown everything again?’ Here’s your answer:
My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:
And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world (I John 2:1-2)
God desires you to live holy but if you fall, please don’t stay down. Repent immediately (genuinely) and get back up. Jesus has promised His everlasting love and mercy to you. You can never expend His love. His mercies over you are new every morning. Men! Can’t you see how blessed you are?
And if you are there, you believe God has forgiven, but somewhere in your heart, you haven’t forgiven yourself. May I ask you a question? Thanks for allowing me. Who are you not to forgive yourself, when the Almighty God, who is Holy beyond comprehension, has forgiven you? Stop pouting dear! Forgive yourself and move on. There’s so much God had prepared for you in this life and in eternity. Don’t allow guilt stand in your way.
Please let me caution; there’s only ONE thing that can prevent you from receiving God’s forgiveness. What could that be? Your refusal to forgive others. The Lord’s Prayer says “…And forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those that trespass against us…” It’s a condition. What has that person done that is too big to forgive? Look at what Jesus did on the cross for you and what He’s still offering you today. Please forgive that person; unforgiveness isn’t worth it; not one bit.
On a final note, you know we human beings have a tendency to be selfish. Please tell your friends and those around you about this amazing grace. Don’t ‘solo’ this blessings like you would ‘solo’ your provisions in the hostel. Imagine the load, shame, fear, and guilt God has relieved you of. Please allow others enjoy what you’re enjoying in Jesus. Just share your testimony with them. “This is what I was and this is what Jesus has made of me!” Isn’t it so simple? Do your part and leave the rest to God.
And when next that fox, the old serpent, comes to you reminding you of your past sins, please be quick to shout it out in his ears. He’s hard of hearing, so you’ll need to really shout it. Scream; “I’m Not Guilty!!!”
The Love Prayer
Dear God, I have heard about your love and I thank you for loving me in spite of my many sins and weaknesses. I believe, Jesus, that you’re the son of God and that you died and rose again to save me. I repent of my sins and forsake them. I will live to please you as your Holy Spirit helps me. I receive you into my heart and I ask that you make me yours forever. Help me to be your friend and may we love and honor each other for all eternity. Thank you Father for accepting me. I choose to live above guilt henceforth. I have prayed in Jesus’ name, Amen.
If you prayed this prayer for the first time, please send an e-mail to us at justaboutmine@yahoo.com and we’ll be quick to get back to you to stand by you in this new adventure of life.
Written by Timilehin Adigun
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Novella: Choices (Chapter 10)
MOREMI HALL, OAU, ILE-IFE (SUNDAY 29TH APRIL, 2007)
Shola was seated in her room. Thomas had promised to join her later. He had excos’ post-meeting after service. She had enjoyed the service. It was a conservative setting but the love in the air was palpable. When the President, Pastor Lekan, mounted the pulpit, she had felt a strange sensation in her body and she hadn’t been able to explain why. It was after the sermon that she understood what was happening.
The young man was truly anointed and God had given him a word in season. He didn’t preach from his notes; but from his heart, being led by God. It was as if he had grown up with her right from the childhood to the present moment. His sermon was titled ‘Return to your first love’.
He reminded the congregation that God was still waiting with outstretched arms, calling unto His children who’d run away from home, still seeking his lost sheep, wanting to bring them back to safety. In concluding his sermon, he had said “God has never and will never get tired of you; He will never give up on you. No matter how hard you’ve fallen or how deep you’re stooped in sin, Jesus is waiting and calling you back home. He can make all things new and sweet again. He’s saying ‘My dear child, return to me, your first love’”
With that, he made an altar-call. Shola, who wouldn’t have given it a thought on another day, was the first to come out. She really didn’t mind the publicity; she was used to being stared at. She walked up front, knelt down before the altar and was soon joined by others.
After leading them in the sinner’s prayer, Pastor Lekan told them to open their eyes and follow the young man to their right. By the time she opened her eyes and looked right, it was Thomas standing there; ready to lead the new converts to the counseling room. He smiled at her. She smiled back, and looked down. She was surprised at herself. When last had she been shy? ‘This God really has what it takes to make me a child again’ she thought as she was ushered out for counseling.
Resting her back on her pillow, Shola felt her heart would burst. She felt so relieved and happy for the first time after many years. ‘See what I’ve been trading for doctored grades and status all this while. Shola, how silly could you possibly be?’ she chided herself but rejoiced in the fact that it was never too late to start again.
As she was about to flip through the new bible she was given at fellowship, her phone rang. She looked at her phone and saw a number she didn’t know. She picked the call. “Hello”
“I heard you have found God!”
“Please who’s this?”
“You think He can help you?” she soon recognized the voice; Professor Toriola’s. She didn’t answer him. “Alhaji was very upset yesterday and decided that if I wasn’t man enough to bring you I couldn’t have the loan.”
“I’m sorry”, she said.
“Oh! Don’t be sorry yet”, he said picking his words deliberately. That’s what he did when he was angry. “I want you to know that by the end of this semester, you’ll be on your way out of this campus with a paralyzed GP”
“Prof, I’m sorry, please…”
“I thought you had some sense. You’re a fool; a big fool” He cut the line.
Shola was shocked. She had expected it but the reality was still hard to bear. She knew Professor Toriola well enough to know that he said only what he meant and he was capable of doing it. ‘This cannot be happening to me. God, what do I do now? Is this the price I pay for following you?’
‘I will surprise you’
Shola looked around. Who said that? She had never heard God’s voice before but she was now so sure this was His voice. Tears of relief flooded her eyes. ‘Thank you for speaking to my heart. I don’t know what you have in store but I’ll wait and see. Whatever happens, I’ll trust you Lord. And please, let that post-meeting finish early, I need Thomas right now!’
----------------------------------------
FAJUYI HALL, OAU, ILE-IFE (SUNDAY 29TH APRIL, 2007)
There was a knock on the door and Bayo went to open up.
“Hey Bayo! Good to see you! I’ve missed you!” Amaka said as she hugged Bayo and clung to him. “I’ve missed you”
“I’ve missed you too baby”
She stepped and walked over to his bed and sat down. “When did you arrive on campus?”
“About 7:30 tonight.”
“Hope you had fun, Moni?”
Amaka was stunned. ‘Who is Moni?’ After a brief thought, she dismissed it. She had probably heard wrong. “Didn’t really have fun.” she said, “couldn’t be the same without you around.”
“I’m really tired tonight and need to sleep”
“Are you sending me away?” she asked.
“I could never do that” Bayo said. Amaka touched his shoulder and smiled at him but noticed he was distracted. She squeezed his shoulder and bent forward to kiss him. “Stop Moni! I’m not in the mood!”
Amaka recoiled. “Who is Moni?”
Bayo was caught off-guard. “I don’t understand. Where… what… who is Moni?” he managed to ask.
“I should be asking you”
“I don’t know anyone by that name.”
“She must be so close and intimate with you that you didn’t even realize you were calling me Moni. She’s on your mind, right?”
“Oh! There’s one Moni that sells…”
“Don’t give me that crap, Bayo.” Amaka said, standing up. “You’ve taken me for a fool so far because I really like you, but Bayo, I’m about to show you that it’s not every girl you can use and dump.” She paused. “When I’m through with you, you’ll wish you never ever opened any girl’s laps”. With that she stumped out of his room. She didn’t even bother asking about his penchant for deflowering virgins as she had agreed with Zainab that she would do. His betrayal was enough for one night.
Bayo dismissed her words; it wasn’t the first time a girl would shout empty threats at him. Little did he know that Amaka’s threat was nothing close to empty.
---------------------------------
LAGOS (SUNDAY 29TH APRIL, 2007)
Moni sat on her bed and couldn’t think of anything else. She had wanted to know what sex was like and who better with than with Bayo. But now, she was overcome with guilt and fear; the fear more than the guilt. She couldn’t explain why but she was having this feeling that she had only had twice prior to this time. A feeling of foreboding that something bad was about to happen.
She recalled that disaster had ensued on those two occasions. One was the death of her younger brother; she had felt it before it happened. The second was the fire-outbreak in Royal College two years back that claimed two students’ lives. Now, she had another foreboding. And no matter what she had tried to do to avert the first two, they had come to pass. She couldn’t stomach the fear that gnawed at her. The foreboding had come over her when she stepped back into the hostel after the Visiting Day hours were over.
She buried her head in her pillow and began to cry, then sob, then jerk, then scream, still shedding tears. It was too much to bear. She had the premonition that she was going to die, and the whole episode would start when she discovered in a month’s time that she was pregnant. ‘Please God; don’t let this happen to me. I’m too young to die!’ she cried, the tears unstoppable, her heart broken and her spirit shattered.
-----------------------------------
Chief and Mrs. Okposu walked into the hospital with Michael following behind. The moment they got home from visiting Pearl, they had been told their house help, Kafayat, had fallen while mopping the floor and had been rushed to the hospital. When they got to the hospital, the doctor called Chief and his wife into his office.
“Your aide is fine and is resting now, but I have bad news for you!” the doctor said.
“What is it?” Chief Okposu asked.
“She’s a month pregnant”
“What! Who? How?” Pearl’s mother exclaimed and asked.
“She hasn’t told us who is responsible yet” the doctor stated.
Mrs. Okposu started rambling on what she would do the girl when she awoke. Chief on the other hand was too stunned to speak. He hoped his wife would mistake his silence for shock.
‘What kind of cruel joke is this, just when I had decided to stop’ he thought to himself. ‘But come to think of it, it can’t be me. It can’t be me.’ He thought some more. ‘If I’m responsible, then I will have a child of my own; it doesn’t matter who the mother is, but that would ruin my marriage. But if the baby is not mine as I expect, then it means Kafy has been sleeping around and I could have contracted an STI or AIDS.’ The thought was too much to bear. ‘Pearl, I really hope you’re praying. I need your prayers desperately now.’
…TO BE CONTINUED NEXT EDITION. Please remember to subscribe if you haven’t, so you could receive the next edition. Only subscribers would be receiving editions on a regular basis. Don’t forget either that subscription for this magazine is free. All it costs you is either browsing time or a postage stamp!!! See ‘Free Subscription’ for details.)
Shola was seated in her room. Thomas had promised to join her later. He had excos’ post-meeting after service. She had enjoyed the service. It was a conservative setting but the love in the air was palpable. When the President, Pastor Lekan, mounted the pulpit, she had felt a strange sensation in her body and she hadn’t been able to explain why. It was after the sermon that she understood what was happening.
The young man was truly anointed and God had given him a word in season. He didn’t preach from his notes; but from his heart, being led by God. It was as if he had grown up with her right from the childhood to the present moment. His sermon was titled ‘Return to your first love’.
He reminded the congregation that God was still waiting with outstretched arms, calling unto His children who’d run away from home, still seeking his lost sheep, wanting to bring them back to safety. In concluding his sermon, he had said “God has never and will never get tired of you; He will never give up on you. No matter how hard you’ve fallen or how deep you’re stooped in sin, Jesus is waiting and calling you back home. He can make all things new and sweet again. He’s saying ‘My dear child, return to me, your first love’”
With that, he made an altar-call. Shola, who wouldn’t have given it a thought on another day, was the first to come out. She really didn’t mind the publicity; she was used to being stared at. She walked up front, knelt down before the altar and was soon joined by others.
After leading them in the sinner’s prayer, Pastor Lekan told them to open their eyes and follow the young man to their right. By the time she opened her eyes and looked right, it was Thomas standing there; ready to lead the new converts to the counseling room. He smiled at her. She smiled back, and looked down. She was surprised at herself. When last had she been shy? ‘This God really has what it takes to make me a child again’ she thought as she was ushered out for counseling.
Resting her back on her pillow, Shola felt her heart would burst. She felt so relieved and happy for the first time after many years. ‘See what I’ve been trading for doctored grades and status all this while. Shola, how silly could you possibly be?’ she chided herself but rejoiced in the fact that it was never too late to start again.
As she was about to flip through the new bible she was given at fellowship, her phone rang. She looked at her phone and saw a number she didn’t know. She picked the call. “Hello”
“I heard you have found God!”
“Please who’s this?”
“You think He can help you?” she soon recognized the voice; Professor Toriola’s. She didn’t answer him. “Alhaji was very upset yesterday and decided that if I wasn’t man enough to bring you I couldn’t have the loan.”
“I’m sorry”, she said.
“Oh! Don’t be sorry yet”, he said picking his words deliberately. That’s what he did when he was angry. “I want you to know that by the end of this semester, you’ll be on your way out of this campus with a paralyzed GP”
“Prof, I’m sorry, please…”
“I thought you had some sense. You’re a fool; a big fool” He cut the line.
Shola was shocked. She had expected it but the reality was still hard to bear. She knew Professor Toriola well enough to know that he said only what he meant and he was capable of doing it. ‘This cannot be happening to me. God, what do I do now? Is this the price I pay for following you?’
‘I will surprise you’
Shola looked around. Who said that? She had never heard God’s voice before but she was now so sure this was His voice. Tears of relief flooded her eyes. ‘Thank you for speaking to my heart. I don’t know what you have in store but I’ll wait and see. Whatever happens, I’ll trust you Lord. And please, let that post-meeting finish early, I need Thomas right now!’
----------------------------------------
FAJUYI HALL, OAU, ILE-IFE (SUNDAY 29TH APRIL, 2007)
There was a knock on the door and Bayo went to open up.
“Hey Bayo! Good to see you! I’ve missed you!” Amaka said as she hugged Bayo and clung to him. “I’ve missed you”
“I’ve missed you too baby”
She stepped and walked over to his bed and sat down. “When did you arrive on campus?”
“About 7:30 tonight.”
“Hope you had fun, Moni?”
Amaka was stunned. ‘Who is Moni?’ After a brief thought, she dismissed it. She had probably heard wrong. “Didn’t really have fun.” she said, “couldn’t be the same without you around.”
“I’m really tired tonight and need to sleep”
“Are you sending me away?” she asked.
“I could never do that” Bayo said. Amaka touched his shoulder and smiled at him but noticed he was distracted. She squeezed his shoulder and bent forward to kiss him. “Stop Moni! I’m not in the mood!”
Amaka recoiled. “Who is Moni?”
Bayo was caught off-guard. “I don’t understand. Where… what… who is Moni?” he managed to ask.
“I should be asking you”
“I don’t know anyone by that name.”
“She must be so close and intimate with you that you didn’t even realize you were calling me Moni. She’s on your mind, right?”
“Oh! There’s one Moni that sells…”
“Don’t give me that crap, Bayo.” Amaka said, standing up. “You’ve taken me for a fool so far because I really like you, but Bayo, I’m about to show you that it’s not every girl you can use and dump.” She paused. “When I’m through with you, you’ll wish you never ever opened any girl’s laps”. With that she stumped out of his room. She didn’t even bother asking about his penchant for deflowering virgins as she had agreed with Zainab that she would do. His betrayal was enough for one night.
Bayo dismissed her words; it wasn’t the first time a girl would shout empty threats at him. Little did he know that Amaka’s threat was nothing close to empty.
---------------------------------
LAGOS (SUNDAY 29TH APRIL, 2007)
Moni sat on her bed and couldn’t think of anything else. She had wanted to know what sex was like and who better with than with Bayo. But now, she was overcome with guilt and fear; the fear more than the guilt. She couldn’t explain why but she was having this feeling that she had only had twice prior to this time. A feeling of foreboding that something bad was about to happen.
She recalled that disaster had ensued on those two occasions. One was the death of her younger brother; she had felt it before it happened. The second was the fire-outbreak in Royal College two years back that claimed two students’ lives. Now, she had another foreboding. And no matter what she had tried to do to avert the first two, they had come to pass. She couldn’t stomach the fear that gnawed at her. The foreboding had come over her when she stepped back into the hostel after the Visiting Day hours were over.
She buried her head in her pillow and began to cry, then sob, then jerk, then scream, still shedding tears. It was too much to bear. She had the premonition that she was going to die, and the whole episode would start when she discovered in a month’s time that she was pregnant. ‘Please God; don’t let this happen to me. I’m too young to die!’ she cried, the tears unstoppable, her heart broken and her spirit shattered.
-----------------------------------
Chief and Mrs. Okposu walked into the hospital with Michael following behind. The moment they got home from visiting Pearl, they had been told their house help, Kafayat, had fallen while mopping the floor and had been rushed to the hospital. When they got to the hospital, the doctor called Chief and his wife into his office.
“Your aide is fine and is resting now, but I have bad news for you!” the doctor said.
“What is it?” Chief Okposu asked.
“She’s a month pregnant”
“What! Who? How?” Pearl’s mother exclaimed and asked.
“She hasn’t told us who is responsible yet” the doctor stated.
Mrs. Okposu started rambling on what she would do the girl when she awoke. Chief on the other hand was too stunned to speak. He hoped his wife would mistake his silence for shock.
‘What kind of cruel joke is this, just when I had decided to stop’ he thought to himself. ‘But come to think of it, it can’t be me. It can’t be me.’ He thought some more. ‘If I’m responsible, then I will have a child of my own; it doesn’t matter who the mother is, but that would ruin my marriage. But if the baby is not mine as I expect, then it means Kafy has been sleeping around and I could have contracted an STI or AIDS.’ The thought was too much to bear. ‘Pearl, I really hope you’re praying. I need your prayers desperately now.’
…TO BE CONTINUED NEXT EDITION. Please remember to subscribe if you haven’t, so you could receive the next edition. Only subscribers would be receiving editions on a regular basis. Don’t forget either that subscription for this magazine is free. All it costs you is either browsing time or a postage stamp!!! See ‘Free Subscription’ for details.)
Written by Timilehin Adigun (08023458880; timtimmy1@yahoo.com)
“I could do this too; I love writing stories”. If that’s you; a teenage fiction writer, please send an e-mail to us at justaboutmine@yahoo.com with your details and attach your story. If your story is chosen to be published, you’ll be informed and we’ll work together on editing your story - the next Novella. This is your opportunity to become a published author.
Novella: Choices (Chapter 9)
Pearl was seated in the passenger’s seat of her step-father’s Lexus jeep. Her brother, Michael, was seated on the driver’s seat. Her mother was at the boot dishing food. Her step-father was a stone throw away, talking with another parent. She was happy seeing her mother and brother again. She pinched her brother. “They are feeding you well in your school o!”
He smiled. “Guess so”
“You’ll soon be much taller than me” she said, absorbing the masculine developments in her kid brother who was just fourteen. She took his hand. “It’s good seeing you again. How is mummy?”
“As in?”
“As in, how is daddy treating her?”
“Fine. They seem are okay”.
Pearl nodded. That was something else about the man; a good thing however. He took care of her mum, and always paid their school fees. The two problems he had were the bottle and skirts. She was certain that while she was in school, he would have found an alternative to her.
“Do we have a house-help now?”
“Yes we do.”
“Like how old is she?”
“I’m not sure, but she looks about fourteen to me. Why are you asking?”
“Just curious” Pearl said, and she had her answer with that. The probability was really high that her step-father would have started harassing that young girl too. She had intended to be harsh on him, asking him if he had a heart; hoping to allude to his childlessness being the result of his inhumane acts. She had however learned otherwise from her new friends and had been told that it’s a lust spirit operating in him, that he can’t help himself even if he wanted to.
So, along with her friends, she had prayed against that spirit in him. She was not going however to keep being used; she wanted out. She had told her mum not to dish her food yet; she hadn’t regained her appetite yet, she needed to talk first. She looked in her step-father’s direction and saw he was shaking hands with his friend, rounding up their conversation. She stood and leaned against the jeep.
When he was done and was walking back, she met him before he got to the vehicle. “Dad, I need to talk with you”
He had a mixed look; surprise and fear. “Let’s talk in the car”
“We need to talk privately. Please!”
He looked in his wife’s direction and signaled to her that they would soon be back. She smiled and waved them off. Pearl saw the look of admiration in her mum’s eyes and wanted to cry. Her mum had always been happy when she saw her husband and her daughter together, thinking they were close, not knowing it was the direct opposite.
They walked to the Chapel and sat towards the back where no one was close enough to hear their conversation. When they were seated, Pearl played with her fingers, looking at them. She didn’t know where to start from. Her step-father reached out to hold her shaking fingers. She flinched.
“What’s the problem dear? Have you missed me this much?” he asked.
Pearl was nauseated. It was then a strange courage stirred up and she blurted out, as quietly as possible, taking her hands away from his. “I haven’t missed you and don’t think I could ever do.” He just stared at her.
“I made a decision”, she started saying, still looking down but she remembered the counsel she received. ‘You don’t look down when you refuse a guy no matter how old he is; you look him in the eye, not in disrespect but with confidence and tell him a big no’. She looked up and continued.
“I cannot and will not allow you ever touch me again” She saw he was affected by her directness. He looked around to be sure no one had heard what his step-daughter was saying. Her timidity had been her undoing all along. “I forgive you for all you’ve done to me, but it can’t continue. I’ve found Jesus and he’s set me free from the guilt. I will not allow it any longer”
No one said anything for a while. Her step-father looked at her for a while. Pearl noticed his eyes were filling. ‘Thank you Jesus’ she breathed. He blinked back the tears. “Pearl, I’m sorry I had to wait till this before I could get myself together. I have been addicted to sex since when I was twelve and I can’t do with one partner; I’m never satisfied. I really didn’t want to touch you when I married your mother but I couldn’t resist you.” He looked down.
“But when I discovered that when I threatened you, you kept it a secret, I couldn’t help continuing.” He looked up. “I know I can never undo the wrongs I’ve done you but I beg that you forgive me, I’m very sorry.”
“I’ve forgiven you already. Jesus has made it easy for me. You could accept him too.”
“I’ll think about that. But in the meanwhile, please pray and ask Him to help me overcome this habit”
“And drinking too?” Pearl asked, seriously.
“And that too!” he added sadly. “But do you know the worst part, the part I can never tell your mother. “It’s this addiction and the things I’ve done to satisfy my yearnings that have rendered me unable to have children.”
Pearl could see the deep sadness in his eyes. The man she had always viewed as cold and hard actually had a heart.
“You’ll notice I was always protected with you because I couldn’t take chances and sincerely didn’t want to ruin your life with an unintended pregnancy. I’m very sorry again”
Pearl nodded, eyes filling too. She still had a question to ask. “How about the new house-help?”
He nodded and she understood his message. “I have been careless with her because I know nothing is at stake; I can’t get her pregnant. But with this conversation and if your Jesus hears your prayers, I hope never to touch her or any other woman, apart from your mother, again.”
Pearl smiled as tears spilled down her cheeks. She was happy for the change but wondered why she had to suffer so bad before this deliverance came. ‘Lord, you know best and I trust You. Thank You for working things out’ was her silent prayer to God.
“I’m sorry again”, he said as he wiped at the stray tear that made its way down his cheek. “Hope we can still be family?”
“Yes, we can” she replied and they rose.
“A hug from daddy; a noble hug”
She smiled and received his embrace. “Please remember to pray for me” he said as they made their way out of the chapel. Pearl was so happy, she wanted to tell the world, she looked out for any Maranatha girl but didn’t see any on her way to her step-father’s vehicle.
She passed a familiar vehicle and excused herself. She peeped in to see Moni’s uncle. “Good afternoon sir. Has Moni seen you?
“Yes” he replied. “She said I should give her thirty minutes. She wanted to see a friend”
“Okay. I’ll come back later” she said and hurried to catch up with her dad. When they got to the car, Pearl asked for her food. She had regained her appetite; she was famished. She hoped her family, the Okposu family, would live happily ever after. She wouldn’t have dreamt that their happiness and oneness at the moment was soon to be threatened.
---------------------------------
Moni had been talking with her uncle who was representing her parents when she saw a familiar face enter the school. Their car was parked close to the gate, so she could the person clearly. She was shocked. ‘What is Bayo doing here?’ she asked herself. ‘Don’t tell me he came for my Visiting Day – Oh! How romantic’.
He was looking round as he walked. He was looking for someone. She asked her uncle to excuse her and she went to him. He was walking towards the other side, with his back to her. She came up from behind him and pinched him. He turned, and on seeing her smiled with arms extended. She eased herself into his embrace.
He pulled back and looked at her. “You are looking real sweet.”
“Thank you. So, why did you come?”
“To see my love, what other reason could there be?”
She smiled. “You could have come to scout for another babe”
“I would be stupid to do that.” He paused. “I’ve missed you badly, and missed the bonding we had in those days. Yesterday ignited my longing to be better bonded with you. Do you feel me?”
Moni nodded, already getting excited and looking forward to it. Since the day before when she kissed him, she couldn’t get her mind off the feelings it stirred in her.
“Where can we go?”
“Everywhere would be bustling with people today” but as she said that, she remembered a place some girls had mentioned earlier where they used to ‘play’ with the ‘cool’ male teachers. It was an abandoned store. “I have a place we could go”
“That’s my baby.” Bayo said and they agreed that Moni should walk much ahead, with Bayo looking out for the room she entered, and that he should follow a few minutes after.
When they were both in, they made out for a few minutes and they were quite comfortable, relieving the earlier days when they were dating. But because of Bayo’s predetermined desire, he added a twist to it that heightened Moni’s desire. It was at that point that he asked her. “Can we do it now?”
An alarm went off in her head. “I want to but…”
“Talk to me. But what? Don’t you love me?”
“I do.”
“Oh! You don’t trust me anymore, right?”
“Bayo stop! It’s not that. If we do now, knowing my present condition, I could get pregnant.”
Bayo laughed. “Is it that?”
“Yes” she said sheepishly.
“I wish you were my first but you know you’re not. I’ve come to know how you we can do it without protection and you still won’t get pregnant” he lied.
Moni brightened up. “Really?”
“Yes. So are we good to go?”
She nodded and Bayo smiled. “You’re the best girl.” Bayo couldn’t believe it was coming so easy. ‘Na wa o! Girls could be so naïve. If you get pregnant, na your own wahala o!’ he thought to himself as he deflowered her.
He smiled. “Guess so”
“You’ll soon be much taller than me” she said, absorbing the masculine developments in her kid brother who was just fourteen. She took his hand. “It’s good seeing you again. How is mummy?”
“As in?”
“As in, how is daddy treating her?”
“Fine. They seem are okay”.
Pearl nodded. That was something else about the man; a good thing however. He took care of her mum, and always paid their school fees. The two problems he had were the bottle and skirts. She was certain that while she was in school, he would have found an alternative to her.
“Do we have a house-help now?”
“Yes we do.”
“Like how old is she?”
“I’m not sure, but she looks about fourteen to me. Why are you asking?”
“Just curious” Pearl said, and she had her answer with that. The probability was really high that her step-father would have started harassing that young girl too. She had intended to be harsh on him, asking him if he had a heart; hoping to allude to his childlessness being the result of his inhumane acts. She had however learned otherwise from her new friends and had been told that it’s a lust spirit operating in him, that he can’t help himself even if he wanted to.
So, along with her friends, she had prayed against that spirit in him. She was not going however to keep being used; she wanted out. She had told her mum not to dish her food yet; she hadn’t regained her appetite yet, she needed to talk first. She looked in her step-father’s direction and saw he was shaking hands with his friend, rounding up their conversation. She stood and leaned against the jeep.
When he was done and was walking back, she met him before he got to the vehicle. “Dad, I need to talk with you”
He had a mixed look; surprise and fear. “Let’s talk in the car”
“We need to talk privately. Please!”
He looked in his wife’s direction and signaled to her that they would soon be back. She smiled and waved them off. Pearl saw the look of admiration in her mum’s eyes and wanted to cry. Her mum had always been happy when she saw her husband and her daughter together, thinking they were close, not knowing it was the direct opposite.
They walked to the Chapel and sat towards the back where no one was close enough to hear their conversation. When they were seated, Pearl played with her fingers, looking at them. She didn’t know where to start from. Her step-father reached out to hold her shaking fingers. She flinched.
“What’s the problem dear? Have you missed me this much?” he asked.
Pearl was nauseated. It was then a strange courage stirred up and she blurted out, as quietly as possible, taking her hands away from his. “I haven’t missed you and don’t think I could ever do.” He just stared at her.
“I made a decision”, she started saying, still looking down but she remembered the counsel she received. ‘You don’t look down when you refuse a guy no matter how old he is; you look him in the eye, not in disrespect but with confidence and tell him a big no’. She looked up and continued.
“I cannot and will not allow you ever touch me again” She saw he was affected by her directness. He looked around to be sure no one had heard what his step-daughter was saying. Her timidity had been her undoing all along. “I forgive you for all you’ve done to me, but it can’t continue. I’ve found Jesus and he’s set me free from the guilt. I will not allow it any longer”
No one said anything for a while. Her step-father looked at her for a while. Pearl noticed his eyes were filling. ‘Thank you Jesus’ she breathed. He blinked back the tears. “Pearl, I’m sorry I had to wait till this before I could get myself together. I have been addicted to sex since when I was twelve and I can’t do with one partner; I’m never satisfied. I really didn’t want to touch you when I married your mother but I couldn’t resist you.” He looked down.
“But when I discovered that when I threatened you, you kept it a secret, I couldn’t help continuing.” He looked up. “I know I can never undo the wrongs I’ve done you but I beg that you forgive me, I’m very sorry.”
“I’ve forgiven you already. Jesus has made it easy for me. You could accept him too.”
“I’ll think about that. But in the meanwhile, please pray and ask Him to help me overcome this habit”
“And drinking too?” Pearl asked, seriously.
“And that too!” he added sadly. “But do you know the worst part, the part I can never tell your mother. “It’s this addiction and the things I’ve done to satisfy my yearnings that have rendered me unable to have children.”
Pearl could see the deep sadness in his eyes. The man she had always viewed as cold and hard actually had a heart.
“You’ll notice I was always protected with you because I couldn’t take chances and sincerely didn’t want to ruin your life with an unintended pregnancy. I’m very sorry again”
Pearl nodded, eyes filling too. She still had a question to ask. “How about the new house-help?”
He nodded and she understood his message. “I have been careless with her because I know nothing is at stake; I can’t get her pregnant. But with this conversation and if your Jesus hears your prayers, I hope never to touch her or any other woman, apart from your mother, again.”
Pearl smiled as tears spilled down her cheeks. She was happy for the change but wondered why she had to suffer so bad before this deliverance came. ‘Lord, you know best and I trust You. Thank You for working things out’ was her silent prayer to God.
“I’m sorry again”, he said as he wiped at the stray tear that made its way down his cheek. “Hope we can still be family?”
“Yes, we can” she replied and they rose.
“A hug from daddy; a noble hug”
She smiled and received his embrace. “Please remember to pray for me” he said as they made their way out of the chapel. Pearl was so happy, she wanted to tell the world, she looked out for any Maranatha girl but didn’t see any on her way to her step-father’s vehicle.
She passed a familiar vehicle and excused herself. She peeped in to see Moni’s uncle. “Good afternoon sir. Has Moni seen you?
“Yes” he replied. “She said I should give her thirty minutes. She wanted to see a friend”
“Okay. I’ll come back later” she said and hurried to catch up with her dad. When they got to the car, Pearl asked for her food. She had regained her appetite; she was famished. She hoped her family, the Okposu family, would live happily ever after. She wouldn’t have dreamt that their happiness and oneness at the moment was soon to be threatened.
---------------------------------
Moni had been talking with her uncle who was representing her parents when she saw a familiar face enter the school. Their car was parked close to the gate, so she could the person clearly. She was shocked. ‘What is Bayo doing here?’ she asked herself. ‘Don’t tell me he came for my Visiting Day – Oh! How romantic’.
He was looking round as he walked. He was looking for someone. She asked her uncle to excuse her and she went to him. He was walking towards the other side, with his back to her. She came up from behind him and pinched him. He turned, and on seeing her smiled with arms extended. She eased herself into his embrace.
He pulled back and looked at her. “You are looking real sweet.”
“Thank you. So, why did you come?”
“To see my love, what other reason could there be?”
She smiled. “You could have come to scout for another babe”
“I would be stupid to do that.” He paused. “I’ve missed you badly, and missed the bonding we had in those days. Yesterday ignited my longing to be better bonded with you. Do you feel me?”
Moni nodded, already getting excited and looking forward to it. Since the day before when she kissed him, she couldn’t get her mind off the feelings it stirred in her.
“Where can we go?”
“Everywhere would be bustling with people today” but as she said that, she remembered a place some girls had mentioned earlier where they used to ‘play’ with the ‘cool’ male teachers. It was an abandoned store. “I have a place we could go”
“That’s my baby.” Bayo said and they agreed that Moni should walk much ahead, with Bayo looking out for the room she entered, and that he should follow a few minutes after.
When they were both in, they made out for a few minutes and they were quite comfortable, relieving the earlier days when they were dating. But because of Bayo’s predetermined desire, he added a twist to it that heightened Moni’s desire. It was at that point that he asked her. “Can we do it now?”
An alarm went off in her head. “I want to but…”
“Talk to me. But what? Don’t you love me?”
“I do.”
“Oh! You don’t trust me anymore, right?”
“Bayo stop! It’s not that. If we do now, knowing my present condition, I could get pregnant.”
Bayo laughed. “Is it that?”
“Yes” she said sheepishly.
“I wish you were my first but you know you’re not. I’ve come to know how you we can do it without protection and you still won’t get pregnant” he lied.
Moni brightened up. “Really?”
“Yes. So are we good to go?”
She nodded and Bayo smiled. “You’re the best girl.” Bayo couldn’t believe it was coming so easy. ‘Na wa o! Girls could be so naïve. If you get pregnant, na your own wahala o!’ he thought to himself as he deflowered her.
Novella: Choices (Chapter 8)
IMO STATE (SUNDAY, 29TH APRIL, 2007)
The bus drove into Imo state at about 7am. They still had a fifteen minutes drive before getting to their school. They had all slept most of the way, and chatted when they were up to it. Ijeoma hadn’t gotten the answer to the question she had posed to God yet and wondered what she should do about her feelings for Chuba.
She looked in his direction and saw he was still sleeping. It had been fun being with him through the journey but she knew life won’t be the same once they returned to school. Their academics and leadership responsibilities were bound to keep them busy, preventing them from having time to talk like they had just enjoyed. Ijeoma chose to make the best of the few minutes left. She tapped Chuba gently. “We’re in Imo”
“Mmm!” he stirred.
“We’ll soon be in school. Hope you rested well?” she asked.
He straightened up. “Yes I did. Thanks.” He looked at her. “You don’t look like you slept”
“I don’t sleep when traveling but I confess I dozed off a couple of times.” She smiled.
“Nature can’t be cheated!”
“You bet!” Ijeoma affirmed, and turned back to see her colleagues were still sleeping. She decided to let out a bit of her heart before the others awoke. “It was really really nice going to Lagos” she said and felt silly. ‘Ijeoma, don’t be silly. That’s not what you’re supposed to say’ she chided herself.
“It was a nice trip” Chuba said.
“Guess the times I enjoyed the most?” she asked, still groping for how to express how she felt.
“The meals at Excellence hotel; it was obvious you enjoyed their meals.”
Ijeoma was flushed. She must have been obvious. She actually emptied her plate on all occasions they ate.
“Don’t be embarrassed. I did the same. You’re not less of a lady, as far as I’m concerned. You were hungry and you ate to your satisfaction. Simple!”
Ijeoma smiled. “Thanks,” she paused “but the times I enjoyed most where the times we were together; studying together, eating together, answering questions at Royal together, traveling together and talking with each other.”
Chuba was taken off guard. “Really?”
“Really. Thanks for making it a lovely trip for me” she said, smiling at him.
“I really don’t know what I did or said to make it nice but thanks anyway. It was my pleasure.”
“I hope we still maintain this cord as we return to school” Ijeoma said.
“Sure. Why not!”
‘Should I ask now, should I not? Should I, Should I not?’ Ijeoma’s stomach was full of butterflies and her palms sweaty. She summoned courage and decided to take the risk. “Chu…”
“Wake up guys, we’re a minute away from school”, their teacher, who had just woken voiced out to his students, interrupting Ijeoma. The other students woke up and Ijeoma swallowed her words. A few seconds after, the bus drove into the school compound and the Principal was already standing in front of her office, waiting to receive them.
‘I’ll find time to ask him later’ Ijeoma thought to herself as she put her things together, getting ready for the warm reception they were bound to receive.
------------------------------------
They were both seated in the chapel. The Principal had already heard the news but was still excited when she saw them; other students joined in celebrating their heroes. After the welcome, she had told them they could rest till lunch but both Chuba and Ifeoma had missed Friday fellowship and longed to attend the Sunday morning service.
When it was time for the sermon, the Chaplain announced that there was a guest speaker who would talk to them on sex and dating. Kristos students hooted when they heard that. Chuba looked at Ijeoma, smiling. “They just can’t get enough of these talks.”
“Neither can I?”
Chuba was surprised. “You? What new thing could you possibly hear today that hasn’t been said in all the talks on sex and dating we’ve had.”
“You never can tell, Chuba!”
He wasn’t convinced. “You’ll do me one favor, Ijeoma?”
“Okay. What is it?” she asked.
“I doubt it, but if you gain something new, would you tell me?”
“Sure. Is that the favour?”
Chuba nodded, and returned his attention to the speaker who had already started her talk. She talked about familiar things, explaining again why boys and girls should stay as virgins till marriage; talking about the many blessings and joys that come with it. Then she talked about dating, stating however, that they were to note the points for the future, that they didn’t need dating at their ages and present status.
She told stories of secondary school students who had ruined themselves by early dating, ruined both emotionally and physical. For those who were care-free, she stated that the emotional scars are usually more sever than the physical scars, so it was best to just wait for the right time for both dating and sex.
“She seems more concerned for you girls; you’re the one with issues” Chuba said, winking at Ijeoma.
“I don’t agree. You’re the ones that cause our problems, aren’t you?”
“It’s all interwoven I must concede”
“Better” Ijeoma said, feigning a scowl. They continued listening. Just as she was about to round up, the speaker voiced out. “And as for you girls who are so in love with a guy that you want to ask him out, this is for you.” Ijeoma’s ears tingled. ‘Wow! This is no coincidence, God must have a word for me’.
“No matter how much you think you like a guy”, the speaker continued, “You’re never to ask a guy out. It’s not your place; it’s the guy’s job.”
“Preach it preacher!” An excited male student shouted from the congregation.
The speaker smiled. “God created you to be pursued; to be found, not the other way around. Can I hear the girls say an Amen to that?”
“Amen” girls chorused.
“So, when you like a guy in the nearest future and believe he’s for you, pray about it. Tell God to make him come if he’s for you. Don’t go belittling your female pride, so you aren’t taken for granted. Trust God who wants the best for you. He will make him come if he’s the best for you. If not, a better guy will come. Can I hear another Amen to that?”
“Amen” girls screamed.
A girl towards the back raised her hand to ask a question.
“I usually don’t entertain questions until the end of my talk, but I’ll give you an exception. Yes, shoot”
“Thank you ma.” The girl said. “What if as a girl you are friends with this guy, but he’s getting real close, buying stuffs for you, being so nice and all but he’s not asking you out. What do you do in such a situation?” Kristos students giggled and passed side comments when they heard their colleague’s question.
“Shhh!” The speaker said, calming them down. “Nice question. What’s your name dear?”
“Oluchi”
“Oluchi, I think that girl is you, right?” There were more giggles in the chapel. Oluchi smiled nervously without responding. “You may sit down dear” The speaker took a few seconds to analyze the question. “What you do in that case is to ask the guy to define the friendship; tell him to clarify what his motives are. If he wants to date you, you’ll tell him you’re not ready for that yet. But if he’s just doing it as a friend, then you can enjoy your friendship without any fears, strings attached or unanswered questions.” She paused and looked in Oluchi’s direction, smiling. “You now know what to tell that guy, right?” Oluchi smiled and nodded.
The speaker finished a few minutes after and the service soon ended. When they rose to leave, Chuba looked at Ijeoma. “So, what new thing did you learn?”
Ijeoma wondered whether or not to tell him, but she remembered she’d promised.
“Do I have to tell you?”
“You promised!” He smiled, feeling triumphant.
“All right, then. That I should never ask a guy out no matter how much I like him”
Chuba looked surprised. “You didn’t know that before?”
“No, I didn’t” she admitted.
Chuba’s looked turned from shock to mischief. “So, who’s this lucky guy?”
“I didn’t promise you that information, so I aint telling” she smiled and walked towards the chapel exit.
Chuba couldn’t help laughing at his friend. “You too shy to tell me?” he asked, still laughing. When she didn’t respond, he hurried to catch up with her. “Wait for me now.” He caught up with her. “Or is it him you’re hurrying to see?” She punched him in the tummy and ran, laughing. He recovered quickly, and chased her. Though he made light of it, Chuba couldn’t explain the anxiety that flooded his mind that Ijeoma had another person she liked. ‘Or could it be me?’ he thought as he ran after his friend.
------------------------------------
LAGOS (SUNDAY 29TH APRIL, 2007)
Pearl was in the dinning hall and had lost her appetite. The story Moni had told her the day before of her episode with Bayo was still upsetting her. She wondered why her friend could be so beclouded as not to see what Bayo was up to. The best she could do was pray for her. But more paramount on her mind was the hurdle she was up against in a few hours when she would be face-to-face with her step-father.
She looked forward to the Maranatha girls’ meeting that held every Thursday and then Sunday at 8:30am, thirty minutes before service. She had burdens she wanted to offload; she couldn’t think of bearing the weight alone. She looked at her side. “Do you want?” she asked the junior student sitting next to her, pointing at her food.
The student was surprised. No Royal girl played Sunday morning’s ‘Bread and Egg’. It was a priced meal. When she saw Pearl was serious, she nodded. Pearl handed it over to her and she was thanked with a broad smile. “Thank you”
“You’re welcome” she said. Smiling, she added. “Don’t expect it again next week o!” The girl giggled, and Pearl was glad she had somehow put a smile on someone’s face when her own heart was in its most trying moment. She waited for breakfast to be over and went straight to the classroom where the Maranatha girls met. She knew she had no else to turn to but God. ‘God, I need you; please help me!’ was her only plea as she made her way down to the class.
The bus drove into Imo state at about 7am. They still had a fifteen minutes drive before getting to their school. They had all slept most of the way, and chatted when they were up to it. Ijeoma hadn’t gotten the answer to the question she had posed to God yet and wondered what she should do about her feelings for Chuba.
She looked in his direction and saw he was still sleeping. It had been fun being with him through the journey but she knew life won’t be the same once they returned to school. Their academics and leadership responsibilities were bound to keep them busy, preventing them from having time to talk like they had just enjoyed. Ijeoma chose to make the best of the few minutes left. She tapped Chuba gently. “We’re in Imo”
“Mmm!” he stirred.
“We’ll soon be in school. Hope you rested well?” she asked.
He straightened up. “Yes I did. Thanks.” He looked at her. “You don’t look like you slept”
“I don’t sleep when traveling but I confess I dozed off a couple of times.” She smiled.
“Nature can’t be cheated!”
“You bet!” Ijeoma affirmed, and turned back to see her colleagues were still sleeping. She decided to let out a bit of her heart before the others awoke. “It was really really nice going to Lagos” she said and felt silly. ‘Ijeoma, don’t be silly. That’s not what you’re supposed to say’ she chided herself.
“It was a nice trip” Chuba said.
“Guess the times I enjoyed the most?” she asked, still groping for how to express how she felt.
“The meals at Excellence hotel; it was obvious you enjoyed their meals.”
Ijeoma was flushed. She must have been obvious. She actually emptied her plate on all occasions they ate.
“Don’t be embarrassed. I did the same. You’re not less of a lady, as far as I’m concerned. You were hungry and you ate to your satisfaction. Simple!”
Ijeoma smiled. “Thanks,” she paused “but the times I enjoyed most where the times we were together; studying together, eating together, answering questions at Royal together, traveling together and talking with each other.”
Chuba was taken off guard. “Really?”
“Really. Thanks for making it a lovely trip for me” she said, smiling at him.
“I really don’t know what I did or said to make it nice but thanks anyway. It was my pleasure.”
“I hope we still maintain this cord as we return to school” Ijeoma said.
“Sure. Why not!”
‘Should I ask now, should I not? Should I, Should I not?’ Ijeoma’s stomach was full of butterflies and her palms sweaty. She summoned courage and decided to take the risk. “Chu…”
“Wake up guys, we’re a minute away from school”, their teacher, who had just woken voiced out to his students, interrupting Ijeoma. The other students woke up and Ijeoma swallowed her words. A few seconds after, the bus drove into the school compound and the Principal was already standing in front of her office, waiting to receive them.
‘I’ll find time to ask him later’ Ijeoma thought to herself as she put her things together, getting ready for the warm reception they were bound to receive.
------------------------------------
They were both seated in the chapel. The Principal had already heard the news but was still excited when she saw them; other students joined in celebrating their heroes. After the welcome, she had told them they could rest till lunch but both Chuba and Ifeoma had missed Friday fellowship and longed to attend the Sunday morning service.
When it was time for the sermon, the Chaplain announced that there was a guest speaker who would talk to them on sex and dating. Kristos students hooted when they heard that. Chuba looked at Ijeoma, smiling. “They just can’t get enough of these talks.”
“Neither can I?”
Chuba was surprised. “You? What new thing could you possibly hear today that hasn’t been said in all the talks on sex and dating we’ve had.”
“You never can tell, Chuba!”
He wasn’t convinced. “You’ll do me one favor, Ijeoma?”
“Okay. What is it?” she asked.
“I doubt it, but if you gain something new, would you tell me?”
“Sure. Is that the favour?”
Chuba nodded, and returned his attention to the speaker who had already started her talk. She talked about familiar things, explaining again why boys and girls should stay as virgins till marriage; talking about the many blessings and joys that come with it. Then she talked about dating, stating however, that they were to note the points for the future, that they didn’t need dating at their ages and present status.
She told stories of secondary school students who had ruined themselves by early dating, ruined both emotionally and physical. For those who were care-free, she stated that the emotional scars are usually more sever than the physical scars, so it was best to just wait for the right time for both dating and sex.
“She seems more concerned for you girls; you’re the one with issues” Chuba said, winking at Ijeoma.
“I don’t agree. You’re the ones that cause our problems, aren’t you?”
“It’s all interwoven I must concede”
“Better” Ijeoma said, feigning a scowl. They continued listening. Just as she was about to round up, the speaker voiced out. “And as for you girls who are so in love with a guy that you want to ask him out, this is for you.” Ijeoma’s ears tingled. ‘Wow! This is no coincidence, God must have a word for me’.
“No matter how much you think you like a guy”, the speaker continued, “You’re never to ask a guy out. It’s not your place; it’s the guy’s job.”
“Preach it preacher!” An excited male student shouted from the congregation.
The speaker smiled. “God created you to be pursued; to be found, not the other way around. Can I hear the girls say an Amen to that?”
“Amen” girls chorused.
“So, when you like a guy in the nearest future and believe he’s for you, pray about it. Tell God to make him come if he’s for you. Don’t go belittling your female pride, so you aren’t taken for granted. Trust God who wants the best for you. He will make him come if he’s the best for you. If not, a better guy will come. Can I hear another Amen to that?”
“Amen” girls screamed.
A girl towards the back raised her hand to ask a question.
“I usually don’t entertain questions until the end of my talk, but I’ll give you an exception. Yes, shoot”
“Thank you ma.” The girl said. “What if as a girl you are friends with this guy, but he’s getting real close, buying stuffs for you, being so nice and all but he’s not asking you out. What do you do in such a situation?” Kristos students giggled and passed side comments when they heard their colleague’s question.
“Shhh!” The speaker said, calming them down. “Nice question. What’s your name dear?”
“Oluchi”
“Oluchi, I think that girl is you, right?” There were more giggles in the chapel. Oluchi smiled nervously without responding. “You may sit down dear” The speaker took a few seconds to analyze the question. “What you do in that case is to ask the guy to define the friendship; tell him to clarify what his motives are. If he wants to date you, you’ll tell him you’re not ready for that yet. But if he’s just doing it as a friend, then you can enjoy your friendship without any fears, strings attached or unanswered questions.” She paused and looked in Oluchi’s direction, smiling. “You now know what to tell that guy, right?” Oluchi smiled and nodded.
The speaker finished a few minutes after and the service soon ended. When they rose to leave, Chuba looked at Ijeoma. “So, what new thing did you learn?”
Ijeoma wondered whether or not to tell him, but she remembered she’d promised.
“Do I have to tell you?”
“You promised!” He smiled, feeling triumphant.
“All right, then. That I should never ask a guy out no matter how much I like him”
Chuba looked surprised. “You didn’t know that before?”
“No, I didn’t” she admitted.
Chuba’s looked turned from shock to mischief. “So, who’s this lucky guy?”
“I didn’t promise you that information, so I aint telling” she smiled and walked towards the chapel exit.
Chuba couldn’t help laughing at his friend. “You too shy to tell me?” he asked, still laughing. When she didn’t respond, he hurried to catch up with her. “Wait for me now.” He caught up with her. “Or is it him you’re hurrying to see?” She punched him in the tummy and ran, laughing. He recovered quickly, and chased her. Though he made light of it, Chuba couldn’t explain the anxiety that flooded his mind that Ijeoma had another person she liked. ‘Or could it be me?’ he thought as he ran after his friend.
------------------------------------
LAGOS (SUNDAY 29TH APRIL, 2007)
Pearl was in the dinning hall and had lost her appetite. The story Moni had told her the day before of her episode with Bayo was still upsetting her. She wondered why her friend could be so beclouded as not to see what Bayo was up to. The best she could do was pray for her. But more paramount on her mind was the hurdle she was up against in a few hours when she would be face-to-face with her step-father.
She looked forward to the Maranatha girls’ meeting that held every Thursday and then Sunday at 8:30am, thirty minutes before service. She had burdens she wanted to offload; she couldn’t think of bearing the weight alone. She looked at her side. “Do you want?” she asked the junior student sitting next to her, pointing at her food.
The student was surprised. No Royal girl played Sunday morning’s ‘Bread and Egg’. It was a priced meal. When she saw Pearl was serious, she nodded. Pearl handed it over to her and she was thanked with a broad smile. “Thank you”
“You’re welcome” she said. Smiling, she added. “Don’t expect it again next week o!” The girl giggled, and Pearl was glad she had somehow put a smile on someone’s face when her own heart was in its most trying moment. She waited for breakfast to be over and went straight to the classroom where the Maranatha girls met. She knew she had no else to turn to but God. ‘God, I need you; please help me!’ was her only plea as she made her way down to the class.
Novella: Choices (Chapter 7)
MOZAMBIQUE HALL OAU, ILE-IFE (SATURDAY 28TH APRIL, 2007)
“I’m missing my Bayo. His phone has been off. I wonder why? Maybe there’s no network where he is”
“Amaka, don’t be ridiculous. In Lagos? No network?”
“Okay. Maybe his battery is dead”
Zainab wanted to hit a plank on her friend’s head. “What if he doesn’t want to speak with you?”
“You’ve come again with you pessimism. Bayo is not like that. You should have seen us in the past few days since we met.” Zainab had just returned from the break and Amaka had spent the whole day telling her about her boyfriend.
“With all you’ve told me about this guy, I can’t shake off the feeling that he is using you, and using you very well, in fact. Can’t you see? You met one day, you were in his arms the same day. What responsible guy would do that?”
“A guy that loves me” Amaka said.
“A guy that took advantage of you would be a better answer”
Amaka frowned. “Why are you always against anything good for me? Are you jealous? Is it because I’m having a boyfriend now and you don’t?”
“You know me better than that, Amaka” Zainab said, trying to keep her voice low.
“Then, at least be happy for me that I’ve found someone who loves me and will always be there for me.” Amaka paused to try Bayo’s number again. It didn’t go through. “And to set the record straight, girlfriend, he didn’t take advantage of me, I willingly allowed him”
Zainab laughed. “Did you have any power to resist him?”
“Na you sabi.”
“Do you have his picture?” Zainab smiled at herself. “I can’t believe I didn’t even ask for the picture earlier, at least to see what this lover boy looks like.”
Amaka slid her hand under her pillow and pulled out an envelope. In it were a few pictures. She gave it to her friend.
Zainab pulled out the pictures and frowned as she looked as the first one. She looked up at Amaka who was grinning from ear to ear, then looked through the rest. “Do you know I care about you?” she said, looking so serious.
“Yes.”
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“No! See Zainab, I don’t like this. What are all these questions for? Say what you want to say jo!”
Zainab passed the envelope back to Amaka. “You have to call it quits with this guy. Do you know he has dated two girls already this session? I didn’t know he was the one you were talking about. The girls are my friends. One is in 100level like us, but the other is in 300level. He ditched both of them after using them.”
Amaka smiled. “You worry too much. He has told me about them. He said he broke up with them because all they wanted was his money but that he’s found true love with me.”
“Lies! Those girls are as boxed up as he is.”
“Whatever! I’m still okay with him. At least, I’m the only one now and he has promised to keep it that way.”
She shook her head. “Unfortunately too, he only goes for likely-virgin-materials, so he’ll be the first. Must have noticed you and decided you were a virgin. He doesn’t roll with the ‘big girls’. He goes for the naïve, love-seeking and vulnerable ones.”
Amaka was stunned. The reality of that was sickening. She wanted to throw up. She fought hard to discard the words her friend just spoke but they seemed to be making more sense than she wanted to admit. “I really don’t want to believe this. But what if it’s true?”
“Then baby girl, you have to do what you must”
“I sure hope you’re wrong Zainab. I’ll talk with Bayo when he’s back.”
“You think he’ll tell you the truth?”
“I don’t care. I just want to see his reaction when I mention it. That will tell me a lot”
“All the best dear. I’m here for you, anyway” Zainab said, poking her friend.
Amaka smiled. “Thanks”. She put the envelope back under her pillow, and hoped against hope that Bayo was not what Zainab was painting him to be.
----------------------------------------
ROAD ONE, OAU, ILE-IFE (SATURDAY 28TH APRIL, 2007)
As Shola was about lifting herself to place her right leg on the bridge’s slab, she felt a vibration in her pocket. ‘Oh! I didn’t switch off my phone’. She was relieved to have a brief distraction before the dive. She didn’t really want to die but felt she had no choice. She brought down her right leg, and pulled out her phone. “I don’t know this number” she mouthed.
“Hello” she said, after picking the call, barely able to talk above a whisper.
“Shola, God loves you so much and is not mad at you.” The voice on the other end was saying. The guy was out of breath and Shola wondered why? The words he spoke sparked up hope in her heart, but she knew about God’s love though she’d turned her back on it. Her major question remained unanswered, ‘Does any human being still care about me?’
As she was still thinking, the voice said, “I care about you too. I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now. Please forgive me it’s late but I felt so strongly that if I didn’t tell you now, I would lose you for life.”
Shola couldn’t believe her ears or the speed with which hope was being restored to her heart. The tears kept running, but this time, they were tears of relief. She brought down her left leg and leaned against the slab, overlooking the pond. It then occurred to her she didn’t even know who was talking, all that had mattered to her was that someone cared about her. “Please, who is this?”
“Thomas Baderin” The line was silent. She had mixed feelings. Regret that she had shunned him for short a long time and surprise that he had feelings for her. It was too good to be true. ‘Someone must be playing tricks with me’ she thought.
“Thanks for calling. I have to go…”
“Please don’t hang up on me”, he pleaded. “I meant every word I spoke; about the love of God and my feelings for you”
“So, why are you just telling me?” she asked, sad but hopeful.
“With our previous episodes, I knew you won’t listen to me but just a few minutes back as I was reading a relationship book, ‘Boy Meets Girl’ and I was imagining you in the picture, the Holy Spirit ministered to me that if I didn’t get up then and call you, I’d be missing out on the best friend he could have ever given me”
Shola couldn’t believe her ears. “Where are you now?” he asked her.
“I’m on Road One”
“Going or coming from town?” Thomas asked?
“Neither. It’s a long story.”
“Can I come over?” he asked, cautious.
Shola couldn’t blame him; she could be quite nasty. Shola considered the request and decided it was best for him to see her in her worst state; right at the point where she wanted to end her life. If after what he saw, he was still committed, then he was worth the try. “I’m at the pond near maintenance.”
“I take that as a yes. Thanks. I would be there in five minutes”
Shola turned, with her back to the slab facing the road. She didn’t know how to explain the way she felt. ‘Shola, look what you’ve become. See your life; see what being a big girl did to you’ she thought, biting her lips. She thought of how she started as a bright and intelligent undergraduate with a supportive family, and compared it to what she was now; a used, dirty, family-abandoned and labeled girl. ‘Shola, see what your silly choices have done to you.’
She embraced herself; it was getting dark and cold. ‘Thomas, where are you?’ she thought. Just then a bus parked on the other side of the road. She guessed it was Thomas who got down. He crossed the road and walked toward her.
When he got to her, he extended his hand for a handshake, but looking at her face he withdrew his hand in shock. “You have been crying. What happened to you?”
Shola was sure she looked messed up; her make up must have been marred. The last time Thomas saw her, she’d been in New Buka eating at Spices with Pofessor Toriola, looking all prim and proper; she was the direct opposite now. ‘I wonder what he thinks of me now; he probably despises me’ she thought.
“Please talk to me, what happened to you?” Thomas said. He noticed Shola was cold. He pulled off the jacket he was wearing and put it around her.
“Thanks” she mouthed. “It’s a long story.”
“I’m all ears and I have all the time for you. Do you mind walking back to school or do we take a bus?”
“Walking would be better” Shola said.
“I was hoping you would say that.” Thomas said. They soon started towards the campus. It was a long road, so Shola was able to tell her story, not too detailed for fear that Thomas would not be able to handle it but detailed enough for him to understand why she’d considered killing herself.
By the time they were close to Moremi, Shola’s hall, she was through and Thomas had spoken a few words of comfort to her. “Thank you for trusting me with these private thoughts, Shola. I really feel honoured.”
“Thanks for listening and for your kinds words too.” After a pause, she asked, “And how do you feel about me now?”
“Honestly?” he asked.
“Mm-hmm” Shola hummed, afraid of what she’d hear.
“I admire your strength so far. I only wish I had been there for you earlier. I now feel a need to protect you, to be responsible for your wellbeing.”
“Thanks Thomas. You can’t know how much…” Shola suddenly stopped and looked at her wristwatch. “It’s almost 9:30.”
“Yes?”
“I’m supposed to go to Olowoleyemo Resort to meet Alhaji Musa.” She said, and was suddenly scared. ‘If I’m going to stay alive, how on earth am I going to handle this problem with Prof and Alhaji?’
Thomas smiled. “Shola, I thought I told you that you don’t need to keep yourself under this bondage; you are more than this. With God, you’ll make it through this campus, no matter what Prof tries.”
Shola was pensive. “You sound so sure. I know what that man is capable of doing O!” She paused, as they reached the front of Moremi hall.
“Shola, you might know what that guy thinks he can do, but I know what God knows He can do, and will do for those who trust Him.” He smiled at her. “Sleep well tonight; please put off your phone, so no one disturbs you, especially Prof”
“I will”
“Was nice talking with you. Would it be okay if I came around about noon tomorrow, so we could go to my fellowship together in the afternoon?” He studied her face. “Hope I’m not pushing you too fast.”
“No, you’re not. In fact, I think I need a change of environment; need to meet new people.”
“I’m glad you feel that way.” He smiled at her again, “I’d better let you go; left to me, I would talk with you all night. See you tomorrow!” Thomas said, and turned to leave.
Thomas had taken a few steps before he heard his name called. He turned and walked back to Shola, with a questioning look. Shola opened her arms for an embrace and Thomas obliged. It was a brief hug. She stepped back and smiled, wearily. “Thank you Thomas, you saved me!”
He shook his head, holding her gaze. “I didn’t. He did”, he said pointing upwards. “But I’m so very glad he used me. I couldn’t have had a better birthday gift. God is indeed so sweet!”
Shola smiled mischievously. “You didn’t tell me it was your birthday, and you weren’t actually going to tell me?”
“I’m sorry. I felt your happiness was more important than mine”
“I’m so touched, Thomas. Happy birthday”, she said and inclined forward to give him a birthday hug. “What can I give you as a gift?” she asked.
“You’ve given me the best gift I’ve received today already. You gave me your trust.”
“That I did” Shola smiled. “But that isn’t enough”
“That’s more than enough. Thanks for making my day Shola; I feel fulfilled.” He patted her gently. “Go to bed friend. Good night”.
“Good night, my friend” Shola replied and felt a strange excitement at being able to call someone her friend after a very long time. Thomas smiled at her and walked away.
The night that started so dark for Shola had ended ever so beautifully. She got to her room, had her bath and lay on her bed. As she drifted to sleep, she remembered the first words Thomas spoke to her on the phone moments back; the words that saved her. ‘God loves you so much and is not mad at you… I care about you too. I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now’. A smile curved her lips as she closed her eyes. For the first time in a many months, Shola looked forward to seeing the new day; she had found a reason to live again.
“I’m missing my Bayo. His phone has been off. I wonder why? Maybe there’s no network where he is”
“Amaka, don’t be ridiculous. In Lagos? No network?”
“Okay. Maybe his battery is dead”
Zainab wanted to hit a plank on her friend’s head. “What if he doesn’t want to speak with you?”
“You’ve come again with you pessimism. Bayo is not like that. You should have seen us in the past few days since we met.” Zainab had just returned from the break and Amaka had spent the whole day telling her about her boyfriend.
“With all you’ve told me about this guy, I can’t shake off the feeling that he is using you, and using you very well, in fact. Can’t you see? You met one day, you were in his arms the same day. What responsible guy would do that?”
“A guy that loves me” Amaka said.
“A guy that took advantage of you would be a better answer”
Amaka frowned. “Why are you always against anything good for me? Are you jealous? Is it because I’m having a boyfriend now and you don’t?”
“You know me better than that, Amaka” Zainab said, trying to keep her voice low.
“Then, at least be happy for me that I’ve found someone who loves me and will always be there for me.” Amaka paused to try Bayo’s number again. It didn’t go through. “And to set the record straight, girlfriend, he didn’t take advantage of me, I willingly allowed him”
Zainab laughed. “Did you have any power to resist him?”
“Na you sabi.”
“Do you have his picture?” Zainab smiled at herself. “I can’t believe I didn’t even ask for the picture earlier, at least to see what this lover boy looks like.”
Amaka slid her hand under her pillow and pulled out an envelope. In it were a few pictures. She gave it to her friend.
Zainab pulled out the pictures and frowned as she looked as the first one. She looked up at Amaka who was grinning from ear to ear, then looked through the rest. “Do you know I care about you?” she said, looking so serious.
“Yes.”
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“No! See Zainab, I don’t like this. What are all these questions for? Say what you want to say jo!”
Zainab passed the envelope back to Amaka. “You have to call it quits with this guy. Do you know he has dated two girls already this session? I didn’t know he was the one you were talking about. The girls are my friends. One is in 100level like us, but the other is in 300level. He ditched both of them after using them.”
Amaka smiled. “You worry too much. He has told me about them. He said he broke up with them because all they wanted was his money but that he’s found true love with me.”
“Lies! Those girls are as boxed up as he is.”
“Whatever! I’m still okay with him. At least, I’m the only one now and he has promised to keep it that way.”
She shook her head. “Unfortunately too, he only goes for likely-virgin-materials, so he’ll be the first. Must have noticed you and decided you were a virgin. He doesn’t roll with the ‘big girls’. He goes for the naïve, love-seeking and vulnerable ones.”
Amaka was stunned. The reality of that was sickening. She wanted to throw up. She fought hard to discard the words her friend just spoke but they seemed to be making more sense than she wanted to admit. “I really don’t want to believe this. But what if it’s true?”
“Then baby girl, you have to do what you must”
“I sure hope you’re wrong Zainab. I’ll talk with Bayo when he’s back.”
“You think he’ll tell you the truth?”
“I don’t care. I just want to see his reaction when I mention it. That will tell me a lot”
“All the best dear. I’m here for you, anyway” Zainab said, poking her friend.
Amaka smiled. “Thanks”. She put the envelope back under her pillow, and hoped against hope that Bayo was not what Zainab was painting him to be.
----------------------------------------
ROAD ONE, OAU, ILE-IFE (SATURDAY 28TH APRIL, 2007)
As Shola was about lifting herself to place her right leg on the bridge’s slab, she felt a vibration in her pocket. ‘Oh! I didn’t switch off my phone’. She was relieved to have a brief distraction before the dive. She didn’t really want to die but felt she had no choice. She brought down her right leg, and pulled out her phone. “I don’t know this number” she mouthed.
“Hello” she said, after picking the call, barely able to talk above a whisper.
“Shola, God loves you so much and is not mad at you.” The voice on the other end was saying. The guy was out of breath and Shola wondered why? The words he spoke sparked up hope in her heart, but she knew about God’s love though she’d turned her back on it. Her major question remained unanswered, ‘Does any human being still care about me?’
As she was still thinking, the voice said, “I care about you too. I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now. Please forgive me it’s late but I felt so strongly that if I didn’t tell you now, I would lose you for life.”
Shola couldn’t believe her ears or the speed with which hope was being restored to her heart. The tears kept running, but this time, they were tears of relief. She brought down her left leg and leaned against the slab, overlooking the pond. It then occurred to her she didn’t even know who was talking, all that had mattered to her was that someone cared about her. “Please, who is this?”
“Thomas Baderin” The line was silent. She had mixed feelings. Regret that she had shunned him for short a long time and surprise that he had feelings for her. It was too good to be true. ‘Someone must be playing tricks with me’ she thought.
“Thanks for calling. I have to go…”
“Please don’t hang up on me”, he pleaded. “I meant every word I spoke; about the love of God and my feelings for you”
“So, why are you just telling me?” she asked, sad but hopeful.
“With our previous episodes, I knew you won’t listen to me but just a few minutes back as I was reading a relationship book, ‘Boy Meets Girl’ and I was imagining you in the picture, the Holy Spirit ministered to me that if I didn’t get up then and call you, I’d be missing out on the best friend he could have ever given me”
Shola couldn’t believe her ears. “Where are you now?” he asked her.
“I’m on Road One”
“Going or coming from town?” Thomas asked?
“Neither. It’s a long story.”
“Can I come over?” he asked, cautious.
Shola couldn’t blame him; she could be quite nasty. Shola considered the request and decided it was best for him to see her in her worst state; right at the point where she wanted to end her life. If after what he saw, he was still committed, then he was worth the try. “I’m at the pond near maintenance.”
“I take that as a yes. Thanks. I would be there in five minutes”
Shola turned, with her back to the slab facing the road. She didn’t know how to explain the way she felt. ‘Shola, look what you’ve become. See your life; see what being a big girl did to you’ she thought, biting her lips. She thought of how she started as a bright and intelligent undergraduate with a supportive family, and compared it to what she was now; a used, dirty, family-abandoned and labeled girl. ‘Shola, see what your silly choices have done to you.’
She embraced herself; it was getting dark and cold. ‘Thomas, where are you?’ she thought. Just then a bus parked on the other side of the road. She guessed it was Thomas who got down. He crossed the road and walked toward her.
When he got to her, he extended his hand for a handshake, but looking at her face he withdrew his hand in shock. “You have been crying. What happened to you?”
Shola was sure she looked messed up; her make up must have been marred. The last time Thomas saw her, she’d been in New Buka eating at Spices with Pofessor Toriola, looking all prim and proper; she was the direct opposite now. ‘I wonder what he thinks of me now; he probably despises me’ she thought.
“Please talk to me, what happened to you?” Thomas said. He noticed Shola was cold. He pulled off the jacket he was wearing and put it around her.
“Thanks” she mouthed. “It’s a long story.”
“I’m all ears and I have all the time for you. Do you mind walking back to school or do we take a bus?”
“Walking would be better” Shola said.
“I was hoping you would say that.” Thomas said. They soon started towards the campus. It was a long road, so Shola was able to tell her story, not too detailed for fear that Thomas would not be able to handle it but detailed enough for him to understand why she’d considered killing herself.
By the time they were close to Moremi, Shola’s hall, she was through and Thomas had spoken a few words of comfort to her. “Thank you for trusting me with these private thoughts, Shola. I really feel honoured.”
“Thanks for listening and for your kinds words too.” After a pause, she asked, “And how do you feel about me now?”
“Honestly?” he asked.
“Mm-hmm” Shola hummed, afraid of what she’d hear.
“I admire your strength so far. I only wish I had been there for you earlier. I now feel a need to protect you, to be responsible for your wellbeing.”
“Thanks Thomas. You can’t know how much…” Shola suddenly stopped and looked at her wristwatch. “It’s almost 9:30.”
“Yes?”
“I’m supposed to go to Olowoleyemo Resort to meet Alhaji Musa.” She said, and was suddenly scared. ‘If I’m going to stay alive, how on earth am I going to handle this problem with Prof and Alhaji?’
Thomas smiled. “Shola, I thought I told you that you don’t need to keep yourself under this bondage; you are more than this. With God, you’ll make it through this campus, no matter what Prof tries.”
Shola was pensive. “You sound so sure. I know what that man is capable of doing O!” She paused, as they reached the front of Moremi hall.
“Shola, you might know what that guy thinks he can do, but I know what God knows He can do, and will do for those who trust Him.” He smiled at her. “Sleep well tonight; please put off your phone, so no one disturbs you, especially Prof”
“I will”
“Was nice talking with you. Would it be okay if I came around about noon tomorrow, so we could go to my fellowship together in the afternoon?” He studied her face. “Hope I’m not pushing you too fast.”
“No, you’re not. In fact, I think I need a change of environment; need to meet new people.”
“I’m glad you feel that way.” He smiled at her again, “I’d better let you go; left to me, I would talk with you all night. See you tomorrow!” Thomas said, and turned to leave.
Thomas had taken a few steps before he heard his name called. He turned and walked back to Shola, with a questioning look. Shola opened her arms for an embrace and Thomas obliged. It was a brief hug. She stepped back and smiled, wearily. “Thank you Thomas, you saved me!”
He shook his head, holding her gaze. “I didn’t. He did”, he said pointing upwards. “But I’m so very glad he used me. I couldn’t have had a better birthday gift. God is indeed so sweet!”
Shola smiled mischievously. “You didn’t tell me it was your birthday, and you weren’t actually going to tell me?”
“I’m sorry. I felt your happiness was more important than mine”
“I’m so touched, Thomas. Happy birthday”, she said and inclined forward to give him a birthday hug. “What can I give you as a gift?” she asked.
“You’ve given me the best gift I’ve received today already. You gave me your trust.”
“That I did” Shola smiled. “But that isn’t enough”
“That’s more than enough. Thanks for making my day Shola; I feel fulfilled.” He patted her gently. “Go to bed friend. Good night”.
“Good night, my friend” Shola replied and felt a strange excitement at being able to call someone her friend after a very long time. Thomas smiled at her and walked away.
The night that started so dark for Shola had ended ever so beautifully. She got to her room, had her bath and lay on her bed. As she drifted to sleep, she remembered the first words Thomas spoke to her on the phone moments back; the words that saved her. ‘God loves you so much and is not mad at you… I care about you too. I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now’. A smile curved her lips as she closed her eyes. For the first time in a many months, Shola looked forward to seeing the new day; she had found a reason to live again.
Novella: Choices (Chapter 6)
LAGOS (SATURDAY 28TH APRIL, 2007)
Bayo didn’t take his eyes off Moni’s for a second. His look was so intent, and his meaning clear. “Moni, I love you. I made the greatest mistake of my life when I turned my back on you. I have never again felt as happy as I was when we were together.” He squeezed her hand. “I need you; please come back into my life.”
Moni was speechless. She had planned all week what she was going to say and do, but now she was simply blank. She could literally hear her heart beat fast against her chest. “I don’t know what to say” she managed to voice.
“Please just say something, my love”
“What about your many girlfriends?”
“Since Sunbo, I haven’t had any other girlfriend. I broke up with her immediately after graduation ‘cause she just couldn’t measure up to you in anyway” His lies were smooth and Bayo was proud of himself. “When I got into the university, I proposed to face my studies for a change, but soon after, I thought I needed some fun, but as I looked out for whom to date, I was so disappointed with what I saw. That’s when my longing for you intensified; to get back what I was so stupid to have let go”
Moni was melting so quickly. She wanted to throw herself at him and cling to him for life. “How do I know you won’t go again?”
“Cross my heart and promise to die! I’ll never be so stupid as to do that again. Please give my another chance Moni, my first love”
Moni looked at the young man on his knees before her and knew she couldn’t stop loving him. “I forgive you Bayo, and…”
“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you” he said, as he kissed her hands.
Moni giggled. “Stand up” she said. He did and she noticed for the first time that he was now at least a feet taller than she was. “You’ve grown much taller, Bayo”
“Yes, I have, but not too tall as to prevent me from kissing you” he said, bringing his facedown to hers. She responded by moving closer until their lips touched. Bayo put his arms around her, drawing her closer, and Moni relaxed in his grip, feeling safe and wishing she could freeze time. Bayo, her only knight, had just won her heart again.
--------------------------------------
“It’s time to go to bed, Tumi” Sunbo said to her younger sister. They were the only two at home. Their brother, Adeolu, was in boarding house, a JSS3 student. Adetumi was still is Primary 5, so she was under Sunbo’s custody while their parents were abroad.
“Just one more cartoon sis! Please!”
“Tumi, it’s 10pm. We have church tomorrow.”
Adetumi was relentless. “Please!”
“Okay then. Just one more, okay?”
“You are the best sis.” Adetumi said, winking at her sister. Sunbo had picked her sister from children choir practice after she left Royal College with Bayo. They had eaten out at Sweet Sensation before driving home. Bayo and Adetumi had been watching TV since they arrived home, while Sunbo sorted out domestic issues.
When she was through, Sunbo had joined them in the living room, avoiding any eye contact with Bayo who was seated directly opposite her. When she had felt it was getting late, she had voiced out to Adetumi, but now, she had to wait another thirty minutes for the next cartoon to be over before she could let out what had been eating her up all day.
She feigned interest in what was showing on TV; her mind was on the duo ordeal she had to face – overcoming the temptation of sleeping with Bayo, and telling him what she had been longing to tell him for the past seven months. She absent mindedly looked in his direction and she wished she hadn’t. He was looking at her. He had on the most appealing sensual look she had ever seen. He obviously wanted her and she noticed her body seemed to be responding.
‘Sunbo get a grip on yourself.’ She chided herself. ‘You know this guy doesn’t care one bit about you; why would you even consider allowing him access to your innermost parts again’. She was struggling with her feelings. An unbidden thought crossed her mind. She looked across at Bayo and saw he was smiling; he was thinking the same thing. It had been a Saturday night like this, last year, similar scenario; the duo waiting for Adetumi to go bed, when they made out for the first time on the same settee Bayo was sitting on.
As if on cue, Bayo patted the seat, the same spot she had sat when the whole episode started, and for the first time that night spoke to her. “Come over and sit here” He had a smile on; that same smile that had weakened her a year ago.
“No, thanks. I’m good!”
Bayo just smiled back at her; that you-know-you-can’t-resist-me smile. Sunbo looked away. She wondered why she never seemed to be able to resist Bayo’s advances while they dated and now, it was repeating itself. As she was still musing over that, she heard a now familiar voice. ‘It’s not by power nor by might, but by My Spirit.’
A soothing feeling came over her with those words. ‘Lord, I’m so sorry for trying to do it by myself. I absolutely forgot about you. Please help me through this night; I depend on you’. And with that Sunbo felt so confident and sure that she would make it safely through her night.
“Thanks sis. I’m going to bed now. Good night!” Adetumi said, rising up from her favorite position on the rug; just in front of the TV. Sunbo had tried over and again without much success to dissuade her from sitting there.
“Good night dear.” Sunbo said and added on a second thought, “Won’t you say good night to our guest?”
“Good night!” she said facing Bayo.
“Good night sugar! Do you know you’re prettier than your sister?” Bayo said, winking at her. Adetumi was clearly flushed.
“Leave my sister alone o!” Facing her sister, she motioned her to run along. “Sleep tight dear, and remember to pray before you sleep.”
“I will. Love you”
“Love you too” and with that Adetumi went into her room, leaving Sunbo and Bayo to do what they had to do.
“I’ve missed you like hell” Bayo said after he heard Adetumi’s door close.
“Don’t lie to me” Sunbo said. “You never missed me. You just had your fill of me and dumped me. I only wonder why you still want Moni after dumping her for me. What’s the catch?”
Bayo made a face. “Don’t try that with me. You know what I’m talking about. You were all over her today. Why?” Bayo was still playing innocent and then it hit Sunbo. “Oh! Silly me; how come I didn’t think of that earlier.”
“What?”
“I remember you telling me I was the first person you slept with. You’re here to get what you never had then, right?”
Bayo shrugged. “I don’t know about that. Why don’t we talk about us!” He patted the settee for the second time, “Come and join me here.” He smiled. “You remember, don’t you?”
“How could I ever forget” Sunbo said, with a sad smile. Only if she had known better then, she would not have given in to her desire that night. She wished she could take back the hands of the clock but that was impossible. She had been deflowered that night. She couldn’t deny that it was a nice experience but in the aftermath, she discovered it wasn’t worth the impatience. She could have waited till after marriage. Sex was good, but it wasn’t all-that. She discovered too late however.
“The moment is perfect, can’t you feel it. Let me let out what I’ve had pent up for the last nine months.”
“See Bayo! I’m not the Sunbo you knew. I’ve changed!” she said rather seriously.
“Obviously!” he smirked. “That’s why you invited me over, right?” he said, rising from the settee and walking towards her. “Allow me make you happy again”
“I’m happier than you’ll ever know, Bayo”
He sat beside her and put his hand on her shoulder. She flinched and moved away. “Bayo, we need to talk; we really need to talk”
“You see! We’re in the same frequency. I’m all ears. Why don’t you come here so I can hear you clearly”, he said, tapping his laps. “Very comfortable, isn’t it?” he said, winking. Sunbo stood, and walked across to where Bayo had been sitting. “Oh you want us to do it where…” Bayo said walking over to where Sunbo was.
Exasperated, Sunbo stood up and glared at him. “Don’t you know anything else apart from sex? Is this how you view all females; sex machines?” Bayo was shocked at her response. “Get this straight. You are never going to touch me again. Never. I have some things I want to talk with you about; that’s why I invited you over.” For a change, Bayo was speechless.
Sunbo didn’t know where she got the strength from; she only thanked God for it. “Please sit down. I have a couple of things I need to tell you.”
Bayo sat, obviously unsettled, not used to being refused.
“Bayo, seven months ago, two months after you broke up with me, I discovered something that changed my life.” Bayo just stared at her obviously not the least interested. “I discovered I was two months pregnant.” That got his attention, his eyes literally popped out. “Yes, pregnant!”
He was stunned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“So, you could do what?”
Bayo’s gaze fell to her stomach and she could imagine what he was trying to analyze. “You didn’t have the baby, did you?” He asked, clearly confused.
Sunbo wanted to lie, to scare him to death but decided against it. “No, I didn’t. I aborted it” She noticed the relief that came over him as she said that. ‘How selfish and inhumane of you, Bayo’ she thought. “You can’t imagine the pain and horrors I went through at that time. I had nobody to confide in; nobody to talk to. I was alone!”
“I’m so sorry.” He said.
“That’s not the worst yet. After I aborted, I got over it and thought everything would be normal again, and even started dating another guy. I was already thinking of throwing caution to the wind, knowing I had done the most despicable things; was about giving in to his demands too, until something happened one night.” She straightened up and looked straight at Bayo.
“I started feeling sharp and terrible pains I couldn’t explain, and I wondered why. I drove myself to the clinic, where I had aborted, at about 9pm, and was almost unconscious when I got there. I slumped right at the reception. After a few minutes, I was out. By the time I woke up, two hours later, I noticed I was in the same theatre I had been a few weeks back. The pain had subsided much but I needed to know what had been wrong.”
She looked down at her hands, and the memories came back. Her eyes filled. “The doctor told me my womb had ruptured beyond repair and the only way they could have saved my life was to remove it.” Now the tears spilled over and ran down her chicks. “Bayo! I can’t have a child again, ever!”
Nobody said anything for a few minutes; there was nothing to be said. The ever-smooth-talking Bayo was out of words. “I relapsed that day and had to be kept in the clinic. Thankfully, Adetumi was at her friends for the weekend. It was in this my darkest night that I found the light.”
Sunbo wiped her face, looked up at Bayo and smiled. He was bemused, wondering what could be causing the smile. I woke up the second day in the clinic from one of my long spells of sleep to a song that I’ll never forget. I opened my eyes and saw a girl, about my age, holding my hand and singing. The song washed over my soul. It was so so lovely.”
Bayo was getting bored. He obviously wasn’t interested in any metaphysical experience Sunbo wanted to share. Sunbo continued all the same. Let me sing it for you. And as she did, the tears came flowing again.
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for morning
Peace for despair.
Sunbo sang the lines thrice. “Those were the fourteen words that changed my life. I desperately needed something to hold on to, to keep me from drowning. That day, Lydia led me to the Jesus and my life hasn’t been the same. I still have regrets, have low periods where all I do is cry, but in all, it’s getting better. Jesus has given me a reason to live”
“I’m happy for you” Bayo said, relieved the tragic story was over.
“I’m sure you wish you didn’t come over to my house. But I’m glad you did; you needed to know what our relationship cost me. I have forgiven you; Christ made that easier for me to do, but I only plead with you to change, stop playing around with innocent hearts, and most importantly, settle your life and be at peace with God. He loves you and can make your life much better than this.”
Bayo nodded. “Thanks. I’m sorry again for all the pain I caused you. I’m glad you have found all you need in Jesus; but He’s not my type. Thanks for caring anyway.” He paused. “Can I go to bed now; I’m emotionally exhausted.”
“Mm-hmm”
“Thanks. I would be leaving tomorrow; won’t spend two nights like I initially planned”, he said as he stood up.
Sunbo knew why and she couldn’t blame him. She smiled. “I understand.”
“Good night’
“Good night” she replied. As he left the living room, Sunbo thanked God for the strength He gave her through the ordeal and prayed that God would touch Bayo’s heart.
----------------------------------------
Bayo was on the bed, about to sleep. ‘I didn’t come all the way from Ile-Ife to hear a sermon. I feel for Sunbo but that’s her business. She isn’t the first and won’t be the last to have an abortion or to lose her womb. I wish her all the best with her religion. I can’t go empty handed back to school.’ He turned over on the bed. ‘Overheard tomorrow is Royal College’s Visiting Day. I should visit Moni again before traveling, and at least have some fun’. He smiled to himself. ‘At least the weekend will end well with that.’
Bayo didn’t take his eyes off Moni’s for a second. His look was so intent, and his meaning clear. “Moni, I love you. I made the greatest mistake of my life when I turned my back on you. I have never again felt as happy as I was when we were together.” He squeezed her hand. “I need you; please come back into my life.”
Moni was speechless. She had planned all week what she was going to say and do, but now she was simply blank. She could literally hear her heart beat fast against her chest. “I don’t know what to say” she managed to voice.
“Please just say something, my love”
“What about your many girlfriends?”
“Since Sunbo, I haven’t had any other girlfriend. I broke up with her immediately after graduation ‘cause she just couldn’t measure up to you in anyway” His lies were smooth and Bayo was proud of himself. “When I got into the university, I proposed to face my studies for a change, but soon after, I thought I needed some fun, but as I looked out for whom to date, I was so disappointed with what I saw. That’s when my longing for you intensified; to get back what I was so stupid to have let go”
Moni was melting so quickly. She wanted to throw herself at him and cling to him for life. “How do I know you won’t go again?”
“Cross my heart and promise to die! I’ll never be so stupid as to do that again. Please give my another chance Moni, my first love”
Moni looked at the young man on his knees before her and knew she couldn’t stop loving him. “I forgive you Bayo, and…”
“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you” he said, as he kissed her hands.
Moni giggled. “Stand up” she said. He did and she noticed for the first time that he was now at least a feet taller than she was. “You’ve grown much taller, Bayo”
“Yes, I have, but not too tall as to prevent me from kissing you” he said, bringing his facedown to hers. She responded by moving closer until their lips touched. Bayo put his arms around her, drawing her closer, and Moni relaxed in his grip, feeling safe and wishing she could freeze time. Bayo, her only knight, had just won her heart again.
--------------------------------------
“It’s time to go to bed, Tumi” Sunbo said to her younger sister. They were the only two at home. Their brother, Adeolu, was in boarding house, a JSS3 student. Adetumi was still is Primary 5, so she was under Sunbo’s custody while their parents were abroad.
“Just one more cartoon sis! Please!”
“Tumi, it’s 10pm. We have church tomorrow.”
Adetumi was relentless. “Please!”
“Okay then. Just one more, okay?”
“You are the best sis.” Adetumi said, winking at her sister. Sunbo had picked her sister from children choir practice after she left Royal College with Bayo. They had eaten out at Sweet Sensation before driving home. Bayo and Adetumi had been watching TV since they arrived home, while Sunbo sorted out domestic issues.
When she was through, Sunbo had joined them in the living room, avoiding any eye contact with Bayo who was seated directly opposite her. When she had felt it was getting late, she had voiced out to Adetumi, but now, she had to wait another thirty minutes for the next cartoon to be over before she could let out what had been eating her up all day.
She feigned interest in what was showing on TV; her mind was on the duo ordeal she had to face – overcoming the temptation of sleeping with Bayo, and telling him what she had been longing to tell him for the past seven months. She absent mindedly looked in his direction and she wished she hadn’t. He was looking at her. He had on the most appealing sensual look she had ever seen. He obviously wanted her and she noticed her body seemed to be responding.
‘Sunbo get a grip on yourself.’ She chided herself. ‘You know this guy doesn’t care one bit about you; why would you even consider allowing him access to your innermost parts again’. She was struggling with her feelings. An unbidden thought crossed her mind. She looked across at Bayo and saw he was smiling; he was thinking the same thing. It had been a Saturday night like this, last year, similar scenario; the duo waiting for Adetumi to go bed, when they made out for the first time on the same settee Bayo was sitting on.
As if on cue, Bayo patted the seat, the same spot she had sat when the whole episode started, and for the first time that night spoke to her. “Come over and sit here” He had a smile on; that same smile that had weakened her a year ago.
“No, thanks. I’m good!”
Bayo just smiled back at her; that you-know-you-can’t-resist-me smile. Sunbo looked away. She wondered why she never seemed to be able to resist Bayo’s advances while they dated and now, it was repeating itself. As she was still musing over that, she heard a now familiar voice. ‘It’s not by power nor by might, but by My Spirit.’
A soothing feeling came over her with those words. ‘Lord, I’m so sorry for trying to do it by myself. I absolutely forgot about you. Please help me through this night; I depend on you’. And with that Sunbo felt so confident and sure that she would make it safely through her night.
“Thanks sis. I’m going to bed now. Good night!” Adetumi said, rising up from her favorite position on the rug; just in front of the TV. Sunbo had tried over and again without much success to dissuade her from sitting there.
“Good night dear.” Sunbo said and added on a second thought, “Won’t you say good night to our guest?”
“Good night!” she said facing Bayo.
“Good night sugar! Do you know you’re prettier than your sister?” Bayo said, winking at her. Adetumi was clearly flushed.
“Leave my sister alone o!” Facing her sister, she motioned her to run along. “Sleep tight dear, and remember to pray before you sleep.”
“I will. Love you”
“Love you too” and with that Adetumi went into her room, leaving Sunbo and Bayo to do what they had to do.
“I’ve missed you like hell” Bayo said after he heard Adetumi’s door close.
“Don’t lie to me” Sunbo said. “You never missed me. You just had your fill of me and dumped me. I only wonder why you still want Moni after dumping her for me. What’s the catch?”
Bayo made a face. “Don’t try that with me. You know what I’m talking about. You were all over her today. Why?” Bayo was still playing innocent and then it hit Sunbo. “Oh! Silly me; how come I didn’t think of that earlier.”
“What?”
“I remember you telling me I was the first person you slept with. You’re here to get what you never had then, right?”
Bayo shrugged. “I don’t know about that. Why don’t we talk about us!” He patted the settee for the second time, “Come and join me here.” He smiled. “You remember, don’t you?”
“How could I ever forget” Sunbo said, with a sad smile. Only if she had known better then, she would not have given in to her desire that night. She wished she could take back the hands of the clock but that was impossible. She had been deflowered that night. She couldn’t deny that it was a nice experience but in the aftermath, she discovered it wasn’t worth the impatience. She could have waited till after marriage. Sex was good, but it wasn’t all-that. She discovered too late however.
“The moment is perfect, can’t you feel it. Let me let out what I’ve had pent up for the last nine months.”
“See Bayo! I’m not the Sunbo you knew. I’ve changed!” she said rather seriously.
“Obviously!” he smirked. “That’s why you invited me over, right?” he said, rising from the settee and walking towards her. “Allow me make you happy again”
“I’m happier than you’ll ever know, Bayo”
He sat beside her and put his hand on her shoulder. She flinched and moved away. “Bayo, we need to talk; we really need to talk”
“You see! We’re in the same frequency. I’m all ears. Why don’t you come here so I can hear you clearly”, he said, tapping his laps. “Very comfortable, isn’t it?” he said, winking. Sunbo stood, and walked across to where Bayo had been sitting. “Oh you want us to do it where…” Bayo said walking over to where Sunbo was.
Exasperated, Sunbo stood up and glared at him. “Don’t you know anything else apart from sex? Is this how you view all females; sex machines?” Bayo was shocked at her response. “Get this straight. You are never going to touch me again. Never. I have some things I want to talk with you about; that’s why I invited you over.” For a change, Bayo was speechless.
Sunbo didn’t know where she got the strength from; she only thanked God for it. “Please sit down. I have a couple of things I need to tell you.”
Bayo sat, obviously unsettled, not used to being refused.
“Bayo, seven months ago, two months after you broke up with me, I discovered something that changed my life.” Bayo just stared at her obviously not the least interested. “I discovered I was two months pregnant.” That got his attention, his eyes literally popped out. “Yes, pregnant!”
He was stunned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“So, you could do what?”
Bayo’s gaze fell to her stomach and she could imagine what he was trying to analyze. “You didn’t have the baby, did you?” He asked, clearly confused.
Sunbo wanted to lie, to scare him to death but decided against it. “No, I didn’t. I aborted it” She noticed the relief that came over him as she said that. ‘How selfish and inhumane of you, Bayo’ she thought. “You can’t imagine the pain and horrors I went through at that time. I had nobody to confide in; nobody to talk to. I was alone!”
“I’m so sorry.” He said.
“That’s not the worst yet. After I aborted, I got over it and thought everything would be normal again, and even started dating another guy. I was already thinking of throwing caution to the wind, knowing I had done the most despicable things; was about giving in to his demands too, until something happened one night.” She straightened up and looked straight at Bayo.
“I started feeling sharp and terrible pains I couldn’t explain, and I wondered why. I drove myself to the clinic, where I had aborted, at about 9pm, and was almost unconscious when I got there. I slumped right at the reception. After a few minutes, I was out. By the time I woke up, two hours later, I noticed I was in the same theatre I had been a few weeks back. The pain had subsided much but I needed to know what had been wrong.”
She looked down at her hands, and the memories came back. Her eyes filled. “The doctor told me my womb had ruptured beyond repair and the only way they could have saved my life was to remove it.” Now the tears spilled over and ran down her chicks. “Bayo! I can’t have a child again, ever!”
Nobody said anything for a few minutes; there was nothing to be said. The ever-smooth-talking Bayo was out of words. “I relapsed that day and had to be kept in the clinic. Thankfully, Adetumi was at her friends for the weekend. It was in this my darkest night that I found the light.”
Sunbo wiped her face, looked up at Bayo and smiled. He was bemused, wondering what could be causing the smile. I woke up the second day in the clinic from one of my long spells of sleep to a song that I’ll never forget. I opened my eyes and saw a girl, about my age, holding my hand and singing. The song washed over my soul. It was so so lovely.”
Bayo was getting bored. He obviously wasn’t interested in any metaphysical experience Sunbo wanted to share. Sunbo continued all the same. Let me sing it for you. And as she did, the tears came flowing again.
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for morning
Peace for despair.
Sunbo sang the lines thrice. “Those were the fourteen words that changed my life. I desperately needed something to hold on to, to keep me from drowning. That day, Lydia led me to the Jesus and my life hasn’t been the same. I still have regrets, have low periods where all I do is cry, but in all, it’s getting better. Jesus has given me a reason to live”
“I’m happy for you” Bayo said, relieved the tragic story was over.
“I’m sure you wish you didn’t come over to my house. But I’m glad you did; you needed to know what our relationship cost me. I have forgiven you; Christ made that easier for me to do, but I only plead with you to change, stop playing around with innocent hearts, and most importantly, settle your life and be at peace with God. He loves you and can make your life much better than this.”
Bayo nodded. “Thanks. I’m sorry again for all the pain I caused you. I’m glad you have found all you need in Jesus; but He’s not my type. Thanks for caring anyway.” He paused. “Can I go to bed now; I’m emotionally exhausted.”
“Mm-hmm”
“Thanks. I would be leaving tomorrow; won’t spend two nights like I initially planned”, he said as he stood up.
Sunbo knew why and she couldn’t blame him. She smiled. “I understand.”
“Good night’
“Good night” she replied. As he left the living room, Sunbo thanked God for the strength He gave her through the ordeal and prayed that God would touch Bayo’s heart.
----------------------------------------
Bayo was on the bed, about to sleep. ‘I didn’t come all the way from Ile-Ife to hear a sermon. I feel for Sunbo but that’s her business. She isn’t the first and won’t be the last to have an abortion or to lose her womb. I wish her all the best with her religion. I can’t go empty handed back to school.’ He turned over on the bed. ‘Overheard tomorrow is Royal College’s Visiting Day. I should visit Moni again before traveling, and at least have some fun’. He smiled to himself. ‘At least the weekend will end well with that.’
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
