What do your parents do to make you feel they hate you? I have some ideas but I know the list is endless. Let’s check them out…
· They compare you with your siblings and at times even compare you with their friends’ children or neighbours’ children.
· They send you to a school that is cheaper than those your siblings attend.
· They hardly have time to have heart-to-heart talks with you. While you are there craving for expression, they are busy chasing money.
· They abuse you verbally and physically (harsh beatings).
· They make comments and do things that tell you they don’t trust you.
· They take family decisions without asking you for your opinion.
· They force you to do courses in the university that you don’t want to do.
· Their discipline and the routinous lifestyle they enforce at home are suffocating and you are not allowed to be yourself.
· They vehemently oppose your entertaining friends of the opposite sex in the house.
As earlier mentioned, the list is endless. So, where do we go from here?
Believe it or not, your parents do NOT hate you. Maybe they just have their ‘old fashioned’ way of doing things, which is not acceptable to you. However, we have to reach a compromise, don’t we?
One thing I know you don’t like to hear your parents say is ‘in our days’… and I feel you! In their days, did they have access to the internet like you do now? Or were they exposed to so much immorality and corruption like you are now? NO!
The issue is, change is permanent and parents must realize that things cannot be as they were 20 years ago! Life would be very dull! (I hear you saying ‘Tell them o!’)
Having said that, let us look at the other side of the coin. Your parents have definitely had more experiences than you have. Hope you know that? Imagine a mother that was raped by her father’s driver when she was young. What would she do if she notices you, her teenage daughter, getting close to her driver? She’d yell at you! But you say “Mum, it’s okay. There’s nothing between us”. That will definitely not convince her because once beaten, twice shy.
Proverbs 10:1 says a wise son maketh a glad father but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother. When you make your choices and you burn your fingers, it bounces back at the family. You come home and say, “Daddy, Mummy, I’ve goofed”. Would you want to hear, “But we told you”?
Communication is so important in family life. If you have parents that are so unapproachable, tell Jesus about it. Offer prayers to Him on every issue; He always answers. He will intervene. You need to talk to your parents about issues hurting you. The following tips would be of help to you:
· Watch out for the right time to talk with them.
· Choose the right words.
· Accept your faults where you went wrong.
· Let them know you love them but that you don’t love some things that they do.
· Be ready to forgive them when the issue is resolved.
· Trust their judgement. They may not always be right but often will.
· Buy a small gift, send text messages of love and appreciation.
In short, change your mindset about their ‘hatred’ for you and you will see what lovely parents you have.
They really love you! And may I add…I love you too!
· They compare you with your siblings and at times even compare you with their friends’ children or neighbours’ children.
· They send you to a school that is cheaper than those your siblings attend.
· They hardly have time to have heart-to-heart talks with you. While you are there craving for expression, they are busy chasing money.
· They abuse you verbally and physically (harsh beatings).
· They make comments and do things that tell you they don’t trust you.
· They take family decisions without asking you for your opinion.
· They force you to do courses in the university that you don’t want to do.
· Their discipline and the routinous lifestyle they enforce at home are suffocating and you are not allowed to be yourself.
· They vehemently oppose your entertaining friends of the opposite sex in the house.
As earlier mentioned, the list is endless. So, where do we go from here?
Believe it or not, your parents do NOT hate you. Maybe they just have their ‘old fashioned’ way of doing things, which is not acceptable to you. However, we have to reach a compromise, don’t we?
One thing I know you don’t like to hear your parents say is ‘in our days’… and I feel you! In their days, did they have access to the internet like you do now? Or were they exposed to so much immorality and corruption like you are now? NO!
The issue is, change is permanent and parents must realize that things cannot be as they were 20 years ago! Life would be very dull! (I hear you saying ‘Tell them o!’)
Having said that, let us look at the other side of the coin. Your parents have definitely had more experiences than you have. Hope you know that? Imagine a mother that was raped by her father’s driver when she was young. What would she do if she notices you, her teenage daughter, getting close to her driver? She’d yell at you! But you say “Mum, it’s okay. There’s nothing between us”. That will definitely not convince her because once beaten, twice shy.
Proverbs 10:1 says a wise son maketh a glad father but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother. When you make your choices and you burn your fingers, it bounces back at the family. You come home and say, “Daddy, Mummy, I’ve goofed”. Would you want to hear, “But we told you”?
Communication is so important in family life. If you have parents that are so unapproachable, tell Jesus about it. Offer prayers to Him on every issue; He always answers. He will intervene. You need to talk to your parents about issues hurting you. The following tips would be of help to you:
· Watch out for the right time to talk with them.
· Choose the right words.
· Accept your faults where you went wrong.
· Let them know you love them but that you don’t love some things that they do.
· Be ready to forgive them when the issue is resolved.
· Trust their judgement. They may not always be right but often will.
· Buy a small gift, send text messages of love and appreciation.
In short, change your mindset about their ‘hatred’ for you and you will see what lovely parents you have.
They really love you! And may I add…I love you too!
*Sinmisola Adigun
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