This article might not be for every reader but if the following scenarios typify what you’ve gone through or are going through right now, then it’s for you.
-The only men in your life have abused and violated you;
-The friends you had betrayed you;
-Your parents divorced, dashing all you hopes;
-Your best friend divulged your secrets;
-Your counselor took advantage of your vulnerability and exploited you;
-Your boy/girlfriend sucked you dry and then jilted you;
-You prayed so hard but mummy still died of cancer…
Is this you? You’ve been hurt so badly in the past, your hopes have been dashed over and again by those you’ve loved and trusted, in fact your heart has been so broken, and you can’t find the strength to open it up to anybody. If this is you; afraid to trust again, afraid to love or be loved again, afraid to hope again, then welcome home ‘cause your turning point is here.
I have talked with teenagers over the years, especially females, who say ‘I can never ever trust anybody again’. Some are even quick to quote scriptures saying ‘The bible even says we shouldn’t put our trust in man’. I’m sure you’ve had your own fair share of saying similar statements.
The unfortunate thing about this cynical mindset is that is drains you of so many joys you could enjoy in life. You need to learn to trust again; trusting God and trusting people around you. Now, before you draw conclusions, please make sure you read through till the end of the article so you’ll understand what the full gist is, okay?
Why should I trust people when they’ve failed me before and the bible even says I shouldn’t put my trust in man? If that’s your question, please read this. God is not telling you not to believe people or believe the best about their character, He’s telling you not to depend on them for your happiness or survival. Can you see the difference in that?
What God is against is your putting your life’s dependence on a human being. For that type of trust in man, God categorically says you’re doomed for destruction (heart break, hurts, regrets) Psalms 146:3. When you make your parents, boy/girlfriend, best friend, or whoever else, the source of your life’s strength, joy, love, hope; then what will happen if they fail you or disappoint you (which they definitely will)? You would obviously crash down! That’s what God was talking about; don’t put your trust (dependence, hope) in man. You can’t expect a mere man who can’t even help himself to help you and solve all your problems for you.
This is the reason why many teenagers suffer terrible heartbreaks and suffer depression or suicidal feelings after a boy/girlfriend calls the relationship quit. They hoped their date would always be there for them and solve all their problems, and make them happy at all times. These are unrealistic expectations. No human being can do that. No one! Your dependence should never be on any other person but God; we’ll deal with trust in God later.
However, you can choose to trust man, that is, believe the best about people around you and build trusting friendships and relationships. It saves you a lot of paranoia and pessimism, where you expect everyone to let you down. Please, give people the chance to come close to you, watch and see the kind of people they are and then decide if you should trust them or not; don’t just block them out by default.
On this note, let me state that there are people you shouldn’t even consider trusting at all. First on the list are people who have not accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord. There’s no compromise about that. They will definitely fail you ‘cause they don’t have the life of God in them; it’s that life that gives the ability to be faithful to others. The Holy Spirit helps born-again Christians to love, respect and honor their friends; please don’t consider trusting someone who doesn’t know God as Father.
Second on the list are people, whether born-again or not, who have obvious character flaws. People, who lie with ease, believe in cutting corners, or those who don’t have a control of their lips; to mention a few. You can be sure such folks will hurt you with time. They’ll lie to you, or cheat you or talk behind your back and expose your secrets. Trust only people you’ve discovered have godly character.
Other things you should consider are; what kind of friends does this person walk with? Does he/she drink or smoke? Do I have peace when I talk with this person? Does this person care about my needs or is he/she always quick to talk about him/herself? When I speak, does he/she just hear or does he/she actually listen to me? The few times I confided in him/her, what advice was given? Does he/she encourage or condemn me?
With these few things, and with the help of the Holy Spirit (as you pray and ask Him to help you), I believe you’ll find the right kind of people to trust, despite the hurts you’ve suffered in your past.
*Note: No matter how much you now get to trust that person or people, don’t allow it get too personal or emotional, especially with the opposite sex. If that happens, you’re opening up yourself to another level, which if not properly handled can take you back to square one – heart break. Why? Because you’ll have trusted the person so much, now adding your emotions to it (noting that you aren’t dating the person), you’ll be devastated when he/she says he/she is getting into a relationship with another person.
One thing that could help is setting boundaries; define the friendship early enough, so you’ll know where you’re headed. Friendships are beautiful but could be easily abused if not well handled. I would also beg you never to get physical with your friend you’ve come to trust; it spoils everything. Don’t go touching or what-have-you. In addition, please try not to limit yourself to one friend; please have at least two, with at least one of the same sex with you. It helps you not to get overly attached.
Please don’t be deceived by age. That that guy or girl is much older than you doesn’t mean you can trust him/her. Or that he/she is much younger doesn’t mean you cannot trust him/her. It’s not in the age but in character and in maturity; it’s in the heart. Please open up, discover who those around you are, and then decide who you want to trust. But in all, please commit your decisions to God. He loves you too much to let you take a decision that will hurt you again.
‘Mine is not with people; I’m okay with people. I don’t trust God; I’ve even stopped praying’. If that’s you; you suffered dashed hopes when you ask God to heal your sick loved-one and He didn’t or to grant you admission and He didn’t or to prevent your parents from going through with the divorce, but no show. Don’t give up on God dear. He’s your best bet on this side of eternity and on the other side too. You need to trust God!
Why should you trust God?
- Because He loves you and will never stop loving you (Jeremiah 31:3).
- He desires the best for you (Jeremiah 29:11).
- He will never fail you (Psalms 115:11).
- He knows more than you could ever know (Isaiah 55:8).
- He sees the future that you cannot see and wants to help you through (Psalms 32:8).
Friend, these are a few out of the many reasons why you should trust God. Chief of all is because HE CARED SO MUCH ABOUT YOU AND WANTED YOU TO TRUST HIM THAT HE SENT HIS ONLY SON TO DIE IN YOUR PLACE TO PROVE HIS COMMITMENT TO YOU. Isn’t that enough proof you should just surrender your life to Him and trust Him 100%? If you haven’t received His love, please pray the “Love Prayer” beneath and enjoy His amazing love.
Trust God with your every breath. Things might not always work out the way you want but never forget that God knows better and has great plans for you; He will never fail you. He will remain faithful to you till the very end. He never takes His eyes off you; He’s always thinking of you (Psalms 115:12); what more do you want in the CV of someone you can trust with your life. Friend, it’s worth the shot; trust Jesus absolutely!
As you trust God, and commit your choice of friends to Him, He’ll lead you to the people you can trust, so you could live a free and fulfilled life, not bound by the shackles of your past. So, if you’ve been blessed by this article, we’re going to make a confession together, and you must say it out loud.
“I have been broken in the past by past hurts but I’m choosing to open up again. I choose to trust again. Jesus, I choose to trust You whether or not I understand why You’re letting some things happen to me. I choose to love and trust people that You lead me to as I discover who they are. Thank You Lord For This Turning Point”
Do you feel lighter now? I’m sure you do. And if you are eager to trust again and there’s something you want to let out very fast, please feel free to contact me or any other MINE contributor. We love you and will be there for you; anytime, any day. You are indeed loved!!!
Written by Timilehin Adigun (08023458880, firstname.lastname@example.org)
The Love Prayer
Dear God, I have heard about your love and I thank you for loving me in spite of my many sins and weaknesses. I believe, Jesus, that you’re the son of God and that you died and rose again to save me. I repent of my sins and forsake them. I will live to please you as your Holy Spirit helps me. I receive you into my heart and I ask that you make me yours forever. Help me to be your friend and may we love and honor each other for all eternity. Thank you Father for accepting me. I have prayed in Jesus’ name, Amen.
If you prayed this prayer for the first time, please send an e-mail to us at email@example.com and we’ll be quick to get back to you to stand by you in this new adventure of life.